clarification

I was going to go back and edit an older post, but I will just explain it here. There has been some slight confusion by multiple parties as to my son's birthdays. To clarify, without giving the exact d.o.b.'s(I would like to keep that private, thank you!) Bigguy - June, **, 2001 Littleman - October, **, 2004 unspecified-gender-as-of-yet Baby#3 estimated due date April, **, 2006. When Baby#3 is born, I will have 3 chidlren, ages four and under. They are not all born in the same year. My original dates were unclear.

Littleman, not so little.

Littleman had his 1 year check-up today. He had 4 shots, plus a finger prick-ouch!and, one of the shots was the flu shot, so it's gonna be sticky around the house for the next two days-come his party-he'll be feelin fine. What shocked me was how big he was. At birth he was just shy of 7 lbs, just over 19 inches, and had an almost 14inch head. Now, he weighs 25lbs 2 oz (upper 75th percentile) is 33 inches long(over the upper 95th persentile(also 3 inches shy of 3 feet)) and has a 19 1/4 inch head (once again, over the 95th perscentile) Loosely translated, theese numbers mean that my youngest son, at just barely shy of 1 year, is the same size as a relatively healthy 18month old, or a small 2 year old.
Conversely, Bigguy, at 4, is big for a three year old, but a little small for a four year old. Hmmm....maybe I need to come up with new names for them.

bedtime rebellion

I am supposed to be going to bed now, but I cannot for two reasons. Bigguy is still awake, and I am wondering why biggiuy is still awake. I do not need to stay up with him-it's Hubby's night to do that, as I have BabyBear being dropped off at 7:30 tomorrow AM(his mom has to work, his dad has phys therapy early) and need to be up early, especially if I want breakfast pre 10AM(which Dr A says is necessary to keep my blood sugars level thruoghout the day-supposedly lessoning my chances of gestational diabetes.)
It dawned on me, about the time I started this post that the reason Bigguy is still awake is because he is my child. Hubby is fairly nocturnal, when given the chance, but would always go to sleep when told. Me-i fight it when told, but the rest of the time, can fall asleep at the drop of...well... anything. Hubby sometimes jokes that I am partially narcoleptic. Get me in any reasonably comfy possition, I'm out, unless you tell me you want me to sleep. I think I just need to start putting Bigguy in his room at the same time every night, but not tell him it's bedtime, not act like it's bedtime, just tell him not to wake up his brother. Kid'll probably be out cold in thirty minutes everynight. I think I have a new experiment for next week.(I always start new sleep routines with the boys on a monday, so that it is fairly sunk in come the weekend)
Wish me luck, and please don't tell me it's bedtime!

Changed some things, misplaced some others

Well, as you can see, I changed the face of my blog some. Wanted something cleaner looking, easier on the eyes, and more my current style. Unfortunately, when I did this, I lost my links and google ads. I can put them back after I do two things a)remember how to format the code to add my links where I want them in my side bar area space, and b) remeber what my password was for google ads. Of course, I could probably e-mail Google ads, and they would help me out, and I could get help with the links as well, just not right now.
I hope you enjoy the new look, and the new posts. You might notice the posts taking on a different angle, tone, or who knows what, but as you start to put your house in order-even if it is slow going-your brain gets put back in order, and everything in your life takes on a slightly differrent hue. Less frenzied, less harried, less stressed.

clutter and cleaning house

I am notoriously messy, slobby, clutterred, and not very neat. Sometimes, my house is downright dirty. I am trying, Oh Lord! am I trying. I have often felt that there are not enough hours in the day, not enough space in the world, not enough help in the house. I have two sons, a Hubby, and in the basement, a Bro-in-Law and a close friend of the family-almost brother sort of friend(he dated my step-sister once, unfortunately at the time, he was a abd boyfriend! Now, he is a good boyfriend to a non-family member, he learned from his mistakes!!) On top of this, I am babysitting/daycare providing for a good friends baby boy. They both have to work, so I am watching their precious, at this point two month old son, untill March. Why only March, one might ask? Because in the beginning of April, Baby#3 is due to be born. I will then have THREE children, plus Hubby, and roommates. We are teaching the roommates the importance cleaning up after themselves. I am not a maid. The are doing pretty well, but I am still the one doing the dishes, and the actual cleaning. I have to have a clean house. I have a birthday party in a week, I want to host Christmas, and I will be having a newborn in april!!!I NEED CLEANLINESS!!!

In the midst of all the frustration, the guilt(I should be cleaning, but I want to knit, read, watch a movie, blog..., the embarassment, the constant appologizing for the state of the house, SistahGirl springs to the rescue!! SistahGirl! The Older Sister, the unmarried, no kids, can still go out and party, go to a coffeeshop, go to a concert/club/movie/dinner without having to plan forever in advance doesn't have to worry about a babysitter, doesn't have to worry about the state of her house because if nothing else she has a single roommate she could blame it on as long as her room is clean, can actually go to someone elses house without an arsenal of toys, daipers, bottles, snacks, spare clothes for all involved(just in case), works out of the house and gets adult contact everyday, doesn't have to worry about people dropping by just to see(insert name here), saved me. (Sometimes you don't realize how many pent up emotions you have until you start typing. in my defense-I love being a stay-at-home mom. I love seeing all the milestone, knowing that I am raising my kids, not some just out of school, who knows what they are really being tought giant child care center worker. I really have no resentment, I made my own decisions, but sometimes, I miss my single days. I also know how much healthier my life and lifestyle is now, then it was in my singledays, and I am so thankful for what I have-sometimes, you just need to vent. SistahGirl-please don't take anything I said there the wrong way).
Anyways, as I was saying, SistahGirl was my salvation. She gave me the information for a kick-ass website, which I will eventually get around to furnishing the info for here, unless someone beats me too it( I want to be selfish for a few days)that really helps sort everything out-both in the actual getting the place clean way, and in the mental how your thought processes work when you need to clean-way. I feel like I have found a little bit of sanity-just enough to guide me through, and help me find which pile of laundry I left my own sanity under.
All said and done, I need to have the house clean and reaaranged in a week's time, and that'll be a little tough, but I will incorporate my daily steps each day, and most importantly, after this week is over, I will keep it clean-clean it right, and maintain. When I am in the hospital after delivery, I won't have to worry about what I am bringing Baby#3 home too, I don't have to worry about what BabyBear(the boy I am watching) Is going to be in everyday, I can stay on top of it, feel good, and work on organizing the rest of my life as well.

It is nice, when you start to see the end to the chaos, when the light starts to peek through the grime on the windows, and when you can find where you put the coffee creamer.

so, anyways

SistahGirl has a blog. Once I remeber how to add links to my sidebar, I will be adding her, and others. Also, I will be fixing the now defunct link for Waiterrant. Thank you.

I saw Dr A today!

I am having a text bok pregnancy, according to the amazing Dr A. Everything is how it's supposed to be in the illusive "average" pregnancy. My next appointment is in three weeks, they will be drawing lots o' blood to run lots o' tests. We will also be deciding when to schedule the next "official" ultra sound. However, Dr A has a nifty 1980's era ultrasound machine-grainy picture, no zoom, no measurements, no pics. What it will do is let us see the baby, and maybe, just maybe determine gender. We will be finding out the sex of Baby#3-it's just easier if we do, easier to prepare the boys, easier to have clothing ready, easier for people to buy us things, and that 1980 US machine might just be what tells us.

SistahGirl had fun with Bigguy, Bigguy had fun with SistahGirl, Bigguy is telling me, now, at his bedtime, that SistahGirl let him play with her Gameboy at bedtime, and we should get him a gameboy for to play with because he wants on and then he wouldn't havetogotobedbecauseheisnottiredandhedoesn'twanttosleepandhewantsauntiesgameboyandandandandand.....
I think he just crashed.

I am freakin' AWESOME!!!

I, the housewife2ooo, just singlehandedly changed Littleman's crib bedding, matress pad nd all. What is so freakin' awesome about that, you might ask, people change crib beddings all the time by themselves. Yes, they do, but does everyone do it with the baby still IN the crib??? I didn't want to set him down, as he can crawl faster than I can walk, and I try not to run in the house, so I put him in the far left side of the crib, changed the right side, switched him to the far right side, then changed the left side. Littleman is now sitting in the crib, looking at, and feeling, the different sheet with an expression, and sounds, of complete wonder. I am magic, as far as he is concerned. I change daipers, make food, give toys, cuddle, and ghange the crib. I am supermom!!!!!

two totally unrelated items

Auntie Sistah Girl has Bigguy for the night. she starts a new job soon, and wanted to spend some time with him beforehand. He is so happy. Normally, his first night spending the night somewhere new, he calls me a couple times, since I only heard from him when I called, I know he is having a good time, and hopefully behaving. I am glad that they are spending this time together. I have a pretty close relationship with my auntie, and I have a pretty close relationship with my sister(though it hasn't always been as great as it is now, but were sisters, what do you expect?) I want my kids to be close to family members outside of the immediate household. As they grow older, it will give them a good friend, and a trusted adult. If I ever needed to talk about something when I was younger, I could go to auntie if I didn't want to go to Mom. If I was grounded, but really needed to get out, once again, Auntie was there. I am not saying that this was always good, nor did I always go to her-when I was really fucking up with my life, I dodn't want to go to family at all, partly due to shame, partly fear, partly stupidity, but for the most part, I think it would have been much worse if not for my relationship with her. I wonder how much of what we talked about ever got back to mom? But anyways, I am glad Bigguy is having a good time, and not only does he get to see auntie Sistah Girl, he gets to see Uncle Rice-Man, so that's cool TIMES TEN!!!!!

Second-Suspenders-I really really want a pair of suspenders. I am entering my second tri-I cannot comfortably wear belts anymore, unless it's below the belly, and that looks kinda silly with certain pants. On top of that, not all maternity pants have belt loops or drawstrings, so I can have comfy and long-enough, but falling down, or tight enought at the waist, but too short. Suspenders would solve all that. If I am planning on wearing a shirt that wouldn't tuck in or down well? I would wear a tank under my shirt so the suspenders would rest on that, not my skin. I WANT SUSPENDERS!!! Anyone know where I can find a decent pair of adjustable suspenders??
I wonder what this is going to do to my google ads?

even longer to wait

Dr A is awesome, and he does care for his patients, for this reason, my appt is now pushed back till next friday. The erasoning is sound, and It will ultimately be easier, bit it still sucks.

I'm supposed to be at the doctor's right now...

Half an hour before my prenatal appointment this morning, my Dr's office called to let me know that Dr A was currently delivering a baby, but he'd be able to see me at 11:30, two hours later than my scheduled appointment. All said and done, I have mixed feelings about this. I am glad Dr A delivers his patients babies, not all ob/gyns do that, oddly enough, but I also planned my childcare and day around a 9:30 appointment.I think most of my frustration comes from carrying around a cup'o'pee for two hours longer than anticipated.

the quest for the ultimate babysling

I NEED to get a baby sling before Baby#3 graces us with it's presence. I use the term sling, as opposed to carrier. S carrier denotes a backpack/frontpack thing in my mind. I have had those, and not been terribly fond of them. If you are just you and the babe, it's cumbersome to work. I want a baby sling. Something versatile, that I can use from birth to about 35 lbs, front, hip, and back carry. If any one outhtere in blogland have a suggestion, I would appreciate it. I am doing research, but it never hurts to get other oppinions before I purchase.
Thanks. Babywearing is not only good for momma and baby, it's about the only way I'll be able to kee on eye on all three at once, or go shopping with all three alone.

shameless plug for gifts

I really, really, want some Flying Spaghetti Monster loot. Especially the pirate flagfront/graph on back shirt and the pirate fish shirt. Hmmmm...if people need gift ideas for birthday, x-mas, or just lavishing presents on me for no reason, one of them thar shirts would sure be swell!
(please note, I did not request for baby related gift giving, if they have anything in baby-sizes or children sizes, that would be great for the kids, especially the "my dad is a pirate" shirt, but I will not use the kids or pregnancy as a way for me to get non-maternity/nursing clothing) Oh, yeah, size large should be good, once Baby#3 is here, and I am no longer breastfeeding/blessed with mommy boobage.

Three down, six to go...

I have hit the point in my pregnancy where roughly the first third is over. In roughly six months, I will have Baby#3! What this means for me: soon I will be able to feel the baby move, we will be able to tell in the next two months the gender by untrasound, I will hopefully put on a reasonable amount of weight, and I will have much anticipated boob growth! One of the things that rocks about mommyhood is the boobage. Hands down some of the nicest cleavage ever...untill you stop breastfeeding, then they go away...sadness.

Ideal life

According to the federal gov't myself, hubby, and the boys are NOT in poverty. Well, fed gov't, that's good to know! Have you tried raising a family my size on 28000 a year, including overtime, pretax? It's doable, and we have roommates, which drfrays some of the costs, but it's not easy. Some will ask why I am not working. What's the point? If I get a job working outside the house, most, if not all, of the money that I bring in would go for child care. I could work a shift opposite my husband. Yeah, and never get to spend time with him, leave the kids to him, after his long day at work, so I can have a long day at work, come home and try to sleep before we start it all again. I've seen the remains of relationships that have done that. Very few work out in my experience. What we do is this. We budget, we cook in bulk, we shop on sale and buy in bulk if it's feasable, we make as much as we can from scratch as possible. We are cuurently setting money aside for a chest freezer, so that I can make more food ahead and freeze it, and also so that I can start making bread again. With a second freezer, I can make large batches of dough, freeze the excess for up to three months pull it out, thaw and bake as needed. The funny thing is the amount of money people would pay for what I make on the cheap. Homemade bread does not cost much to make, nor mac 'n' cheese, lasagna, and most caserroles that freeze well, yet Hubbies coworkers are amazed by how well we eat, and relay to us what it would cost them to eat the same way, if they bought frozen premade, then relay to us what they would pay for the same food, homemade, and generally organic. I could make a huge profit! Of course, I would be cooking, shopping and cleaning 20hours out of everyday to meet demand.

What I am serriously thinking about doing, however, is sellink my knitting, and eventual quilting. I have recieved many compliments on my work, I enjoy doing it, and if it didn't sell, I ould be assured that my family had blankets, lots of blankets. The only real cost for this would be the materials-which are surprisingly cheap, really, and the tables at craft shows and flea markets, also surprisingly cheap. Tis is not somethingI woud be doing untill after Baby#3 is born, at this point. I will keep working of peices, but I probably won't have enough to sell untill then, being right now most of what I am working on is for my kids. If it works, great! I can work my way up to bigger and better venues, if not I can say I tried. Also, I would like to get a new sewing machine and a serger...maybe x-mas, or tax returns.

Ultimately, if we became well to do, either by hard work, or winning the lotterry, I dont think we'd live a glamorous lifestyle. Ultimately what I want is what I want, no matter how much money I have, and it will be attainable someday. I want to own a house, somethingthat is mine, and I want to have land. The land does not need to with the house, but it would be nice. It needs to be enough land to garden, maybe have fruiting trees, and eventually keep chicken and sheep. I want, someday, to live a very natural lifestyle, on my little farm, with hubby and the kids. Granted, it will have to have internet access, so were not talking "Little House on the Prairie" or anything like that. I don't know, maybe like a new sort of hippie for a new century. Living organic, making our own clothes, living as much off the land as possible, while at the same time, selling product, homegrown organic food, hand-made yarns and blankets, specialty quilts, letting Hubby do the internet game he's designed, but hasn't gotten backing for yet, having a computer for everyone, websites all around. Techno-hippies...yeah...I like that. That would be ideal.

Like being high, without the giggly parts

I am more braindead than normal right now. I just got off the phone with Sistah-girl, and the only way I could describe it to her was "Like being stoed for a week, without the good parts". Here's what's going on. I was sick last monday and tuesday-major sinus issues, lots of breathing problems, little appetite nd very interrupted sleep. When you are only taking care of yourself, this is a problem, but workable. You get a lot of sleep, you have family or freinds bring you soup, and you sleep, lots. When you are taking care of a family, it is more difficult. Even though Hubby was home, the boys are used to the way momma does things. I m the priary caregiver, after all, and it doesn't matter to them that I'm sick, I should be taking care of them. After some grumbling and some hurt feelings, all was better. Were the real problems arise, however, is I am still in the first trimester of my pregnancy with Baby#3. I am supposed to be getting a heaping ton of rest, eating many small meals, ad drinking lots of fluids, not to mention excersise. Also, sinse I am in the first tri, I am very limited in what substances I can put into my body to fight this sinus crap off. I have been in a haze of benedryl and very little continuous sleep for a seven days. Heres the thing about sleep. No sleep at all will eventually drive you crazy, but asa long as you get some sleep, you will be able to function. I can still cook, if I am only cooking, or if I set timers for everything. I can still knit, as long as it is a peice that I can set down every few rows without destroying, and I can carry a conversation with my 4 year old-any older, and all bet's are off. I cannot really carry a train of thought or follow a conversation for more than about two minutes right now. I can still do computer stuff, blogging, e-mailing, chatting, IMing, etc, because a log is kept. If I get lost I just scrool back untill I remeber what's going on. Man this sucks, but a few more naps, a few more cups of tea, and a few more days, and I should be back to good.

Man, more breaking news from the Housewife!

Lester Crawford, commisioner of the FDA, resigns today, rather abruptly. After the whole Vioxx thing, i could see it, what is causing me unmitigated glee, however, is that he was the bastard that indeffinately delayed the OTC sales of "the morning after pill", emergency contreception. Everyone who works around him gave it the go, but he said no!, now he's gone. On the down side, yet another possition that W gets to fill.

Wow! It's the middle of the day!

Littleman is sleeping, Bigguy is practicing writing his letters. It is quiet, I can think, aand it's the middle of the afternoon! It's a miracle!!!!
Last night I made an homemade lasagna for dinner, even made the sauce my self from raw ingredients-nothing canned or jarred. With the time it took the sauce to simmer down where I wanted it, it took two days total, but it was THE BEST lasagna ever! Hubby, who is not a huge lasagna fan ate a bunch, then brought a bunch more to work with him today. He said it's something he would request in the future-which from him, on foods that were previously not faves, is very high praise indeed.
Oh-ultra deliceous tomato recipe(Sorry mom, the initial directions I gave you were wrong)
Slice ripe tomatoes-Quarters for large tomatoes, halves for roma
place in large-NON-metalic bowl
sprinkle with course salt and white pepper
add two to three tablespoons olive oil, mix with hands to coat tomatoes
place tomatoes on cookie sheet with lip(to collect juices) leaving excess juice and oil in bowl
bake at 200 degrees for 6 to 8 hours-
Remove-eat-enjoy!

Yes, six to eight hours at 200. You can do two hours at 350, but it's not quite the same. They turn out almost like tomato candy! Delicious-eat plain, on toast, with pasta in sauces or on own, on pizza.MMMMMMmmmmmm

Littleman is going to be 1 in three weeks.Man how time flies.

supreme court type stuff

The Senate Judiciary Comittee has approved John Roberts' nomination as head justice of the supreme court, now we wait to see if the senate will confirm it. What I was able to find out about his "policies" during the confirmation hearings do not fill me with hope. He is one of the kings of dodging questions and giving incredibally round about answers. What frightens me most, is it appears he has gotten this far with out ever outright stating his standing on abortion. Gods help us all.

Hmmmm

I do not have a lot of readership. Part of the reason is that I have not told very many peoples about my little place here in blogland, but, quite frankly, the main reason seems to be, that no matter how good of a writing style I have, I am boring. I have a pretty funnly day to day life, but, when I have time to blog, I am so tired, so hurried, or so...I don't know, in "momma" mode, that I cannot always put out there what my day is.
People really don't want to know about the daipers, potty-training, morning sickness, preschool prep, or feeding schedules-but here is one of the only places I can rant about it. Add to that, as much asI want to share what magically funny or precious thing either boy did, I also want to keep it close and personal. I am working on striking a balance, a happy median, but in the mean time, please bear with me, and hey, leave a comment or tell a friend!

Now, something we haven't had here in a looooong time-A Defunct-Dad Rant!!!
We moved the last weekend in July. At that time, I had not really spoken to dad for about a month or so. Other people (like my mother in law) had spoken to him, and he had left many messages, but after my brother's graduation fiasco, I really didn't want to speak to him.(For those who don't know, even though I was invited to Bro's grad party, nobody told me when his actual grad ceremony was, until after the fact, when I was e-mailed many pics of said ceremony, captioned Bro and His Family, with my step-sis's family, but no me, hubby, or boys, since WE WEREN"T INVITED!) I didn't tell DDad that we were moving, nor did I give him address or phone number, and he does not have my cell number. I have not heard from him since. why would this upset me, since I effectively cut him out of my life?? Because after him telling me for the last four years (when he magically reappeared after a six year absence) that I need to try harder to be part of the family and make things work, that this man, who has all but one of my e-mail adresses, has not dropped me a line to see whats up. This man, who talked to me on my oldest sons birthday, reminded me that littlest bro's birthday was coming up, and they would like to see my kids, never wished his first grandson a happy day, or even mentioned it, sent them a card, when he had the address, or even asked to speak to him. This is what prompted me to let him go. After all the years that I let him hurt me, and made excuses for him, HE hurt MY son, and that just won't do.

My brain is leaving me.

I remember this feeling, I am slowly becaming scatter brained. As if in answer to my last post-it hits me-part of it may be my problem after all! I lost bit's and peices of my minds capabilities with my other pregnancies. I hit points where carrying on a cohesive conversation became difficult. To put it bluntly-I got dumb. It is temporary, and it will come and go during the pregnancy. My doctor and others tell me it is somewhat common for pregnant women, but they cannot explain it. I just call it the prego brain.
I will stop mid sentance and forget what I was saying, I will repeat my self, I will laugh at innapropriate things, I will feel like an idiot for about two to three hours out of most days, then the baby comes, and when I can start getting 4-6 hours of sleep again-it gets better, so please-bear with some awkward posts.

Someone, anyone, help me out here

What is it about being a stay at home mom, or housewife, that makes some people think that I am stupid, unemployable, in a controlling relationship, or any combination of the three?
Really, do I come off as being an imbecile? Do I have no social skills whatsoever? Am I never seen in public with out Hubby? Do I not budget an entire household? Am I unable tokeep to a schedule, hold intelligent conversation, or follow directions from my house to another location? Why is it that peo[ple give me the attitude of "your just a housewife, what do you know about the realworld?" Did I do something to deserve this by following a path I felt was best for my family's mental and emotional health-if not a little straining finacially? We get by, sometimes just barely, but we manage. I am not a bad person, a stupid person, an oblivious person, a controlled person, a slave. I am just a person who does not get a paycheck, who made differrent choices than you did, and please, don't look down on my for that.

Dreams

Cavvy

I have a "cavvy" now. That's the term in vogue for Guinea pigs, and technically, Bigguy has her, but I do most of the maintenance. We named her Gypsy. She is butterscoth caramel colored with white. Puruvian shorthair female, age 5 weeks, she is. We are already enamoured of her as a household, she is very affectionate. Cavvies are not terribally expensive to keep, as far as pets go, and are very good family pets if you have small kids. Also, they are completely safe to be around when pregnant, which is not something you can say for all pets.
Yay for the small furries! If I get a decent pic of her, I will post it, I think.

quandary

Ok, so maybe quandary is too strong a word for it. Dilemma, problem, inkling upset?
As many of you know, I was married and divorced in a past-pre-housewife2000 life. I like to say that My ex was a sociopath, but I am afraid that would make the other sociopaths cry and have hurt feelings. Everynow and then, various little birdies keep me updated on what he is doing and his general whereabouts in town. They just want me to be prepared if I should happen to run into him, and apparently he asks about me everytime he sees someone with info on me. The latest peice of info I have recieved confirmed something I already knew, and elaborated the hell out of it. My ex lies beautifully on his resume, he does it in such a way that it is hard ti pinpoint, and could potentially really fuck a company over. He has taken this one step further in starting a business with two other people and really screwing a bunch of people over, bigtime, potentially and allegedly. Do I say something? If so to whom? do I let it drop? He is in the security feild(both computer and physical) so I am uncertain as to the level of harm that could come to people, maybe a lot maybe nothing. But if someone uses his services, then gets screwed over or majorly injured, am I culpable because I didn't say anything when I know what he is saying is not so? I understand that a lot changes in five and a half years, but much of his claims are from when we were together, or before we were together. AAARRGGH...What to do, and how do I know that this isn't all some sort of "you made a part of my life utter hell and I want to get back at you somehow"kick???

waiting for the mail, and minor changes.

I am waiting for the mail carrier, whom is usually here an hour ago. The mail person will be bringing me information on pre-kindergarten for Bigguy so I can have some idea of what to tell him when he asks when will school be starting, and what will he be doing. But of course, when you are expecting something in the mail, it will take forever to get there.

I would like to take thin moment to announce a minor change to my blog's comments section. In order to avoid spam comments, which we have previously recieved, I have added a verification section. All this amounts to is one extra step. You will be shown some squigly, slightly obscured letters and/or numbers and have to correctly type them in order for your comment to be posted. I know this may seem unfair to you, but it is the only way I am willing to keep my comments section open for the few of you who choose to comment. Otherwise I may find myself getting rid of comments all together, because who really wants to read pointless spam.

cravings, mornig sickness, and fast growing children

Part of being pregnant, as most people know, is cravings and morning sickness. Cravings I can deal with, with this particular pregnancy they seem to be all over the board, two noticeable distinctions being carrots and dairy, especially cold milk, otherwise, something will just hit. Potato chips. Stir fry for dinner instead of spaghetti. Cookies. Onions. Pickles. Etc...etc...etc.... What sucks, however, is the morning sickness. With my first pregnancy I had very little, and mostly in thhe second trimester, with my second pregnancy I had it almost from day one, untill into the third tri, and for a while the smell of cooking meat did me in. This pregnancy, though, points out the cruellness of the term. As one person pointed out-it's called morning sickness, you can't have it at night, can you? Yes, it is called morning sickness, because that is when it generally hits, and when it is the worst. There is a semi scientific answer for this-in the morning your tummy is empty of food, your blood sugar is low, and your sense of smell(when you are pregnant) is way strong. You sit up, stomach acid moves around, you get light headed, you get nauseous, you try to eat, the smell makes you sick. I tend to get sick in the mid afternoon and evenings. I usually just feel nauseous and lightheaded, sometimes I break out in a cold sweat, and thankfully I have yet to vomit. I hope it is over soon.
While all of this is going on, and I am being ass tired(which is very common during the first tri, makes sense, really, you are groing a brand new person in you, a lot od development happens in the first tri, you are going to be tired), I notice how much my boys are growing around me. Bigguy is once again thrilled to be a big brother, and thrilled that he gets to teach littleman how to be a big brother, and he'll be the biggest brother, AND he will be starting pre-kindergarten soon(Yay my towns public school system for having a large variety of preschool/prekindergarten classes to choose from). Bigguy is speaking better every day, counting and learning and growing, not always listening, but you can look at him, and start to get an idea of what a stubborn, inteligent, obstinate, charismatic person he is growing into.
Littleman is truely amazing. He has hit the point where he is starting to try, so hard, to form words, and he finally babbles now, instead of just screamming all the time. He is also trying, so hard, to stand on his own. He can stand with minimal help, he can pull himself up, and now he wants to STAND! You can see the concentration in his little two-toothed mouth. You can see his pudgy little(okay big-the kid is gonna be really tall and solid) legs, and he gets his legs straight, his butt in the air, he start to try to take the hands off the ground, finger by finger, he'll get one whole hand off the ground, start to straighten up, and BOOM!!! come crashing down right on his bottom. Sometimes he looks frustrated, sometimes he looks so proud for having gotten that far, and I just try not to laugh.
My children are growing, almost to fast to take in. Luckilly I am here for it, and their room is almost clean...it can wait another day to finish...I can watch them play a little longer...no one needs to know

first comes love, then comes marriage...

Well, hubby and I will be having a third(count-em, Third!) child somewhere abouts march or april. Kinda threw us for a loop, but we always knew, after the way the boys were concieved, that it'd happen when it happened. So far the general response from family and friends seems to be joy mixed with concern. Yes, we know that Littleman isn't even a year yet, yes, we understand that it'll be more money, yes, we understand that it'll mean three kids!! Bigguy will be starting pre-kindergarten this year, and will be taking a shot at public school kindergarten the following year-The school district we are in has a very very good gifted and talanted program that starts at the kindergarten level-YAY. Hubby is looking to get a raise here in two months, maybe a promotion to boot. After the first month moving and van needing work chaos is over-our budget is not that grim looking, and then remember that we have paying roomates, living out of the way in the basement. There is really nothing to worry about other than my sanity-so far it seems to be holding. We have lots o supplies if it is a boy, and if we have a girl-yes, we will need girl clothes, I doubt that will be a problem when the only kids are boys and the entire family is itching for a girl. Well, time to eat now, small meals keep the morning sickness at bay-later

addendum to previous post re:comments

I recieved a rather large SPAM post in the comments section to my last post-until I figure out how to go about deleting it, there will be no posting of comments on THAT POST ONLY-comments are still open on the rest

Beauty

Ok women(and men) out there-I have an assignment for all of you. I want everyone to sit down and write out why they are beautiful. You don't have to post or publish it, but everyone is beautiful in some way, even if they are not happy with their current bodies. Society is suffering from a lack of beauty, we need to bring it back...I'll start

I am beautiful. I am a size 12/14, I way 175-180lbs, I am curvy. I love my curves, they are mine. I have flabby underarms, I didn't have the flab until after I became a MOTHER. I have a potbelly, because I carried children. I love my body, fat and all. It is mine. I haven't shaved in a week, my hair is greasy, I have bags under my eyes, yet my Hubby still finds me irrisistable. I have lovely legs, beautiful eyes, and I like my mouth, it sometimes smiles one one side without my knowledge. I love myself, and I am beautiful

Settled In

We moved, on schedule, just like we were supposed to. We kept to the schedule because the cable company was supposed to be out on Friday, the 29th of july, between five and eight pm to set up our cable and internet. This did not happen. There was a SNAFU on the companies side, and our service order got changed, so we didn't have any phone, internet, or cable until the 4th of August, almost a week after we moved. Most everything in the common area'sis unpacked and s4et up, we still have some pictures to hang, and some VHS movies that need a home. We didn't realize how many VHS we had, 'cause we have been watching DVDs for so long, we will figure something out. I still need to get the boys room organized, but it is hard to do during the day, because I need to go thru the toys, geting rid o the ones that are broken, incomplete, etc...and you cannot really do that when the chillen's are awake, but I don't want to wake them up, doing it after they are asleep...I will get it figured out. Hubby and my room? Well, it is an organized mess. I vowed when we moved that I would not let it become the dangerzone that it was before, and it isn't, but I need to do A LOT of organizing and sorting. I have many, many clothes that are way to big for me anymore I have to get rid of, and some clothes that I just don't wear. Then there is Hubby's stuff. It is hard to sort thru his, HE doesn't even know what he will and won't wear, it varies by his moods. I will have it figured out though. I had all the common areas done in the time frame I laid out for myself, I will finish the private area's in the time frame I set for that project.
Once again, I am in my own home, and trying to be superwoman. This time, however, I am getting recognition for what I am doing, so it is all good.

Littleman, not so little

When I was pregnant with Littleman, there was some concern. The umbilical cord only had two vessels instead of three, and I has havinh intermittant labor pains for about a month before he was born(not Braxton Hicks-actual contractions.) Due to this, we had screanings done weekly. Everything was looking good, he was looking to be a very big boy. Well, bodies react differently to stress, and unborn Littleman lost some wieght, and quit putting on length. When he was orn, he was very healthy, but smaller than we anticipated, 6lbs13ounces and 19 1/2 inches. Well, now Littleman is Nine and a alf months old, he is also The Baby That Ate Manhattan. 29 inches, 21lbs13ounces. Lets look at this-in nine and a half months, he has grown an inch a month, he has also put on 15 pounds--FIFTEEN. He is healthy, he is big, there are children larger than him. Man.. Bigguy on the other hand finally started putting on weight, he is now, at 4 years old, 34 lbs, he is also 39 1/2 inches-what is surprising aout this? he has grown TWO INCHES in the last month-once he started putting weight back on-he just shot up! Well-back to packing, we move in two days.WOOHOO!!

in five...

Now that it is after midnight, I can technically say that I am moving in five days! Hopefully everyone will be feeling better then. Littleman is teething, again, it happens off and on for the first few years. Bigguy decided to start vomiting today, at first we thought it was a combonation of allergies and heat, but now...I don't know. I fealt really mad at my self, earlier, when I laughed at him. He told me that he threw up at Menard's, I told him that was OK, he said it wasn't. I then stated that sometimes theese things happen, then he stated, quite seriously, "No, Momma, no they don't." I started to giggle, but luckily I stopped myself. I fealt so bad, but what could I do? Sometimes you just have to snicker at them.
I have had to delete the sentance I have been trying to type numerous times, I am very very tired, and typing wierd combinations of words...I will type some more later
HW2K

Harry Potter and Green Day

What do these two things have in common, you may ask? I will tell you, nothing but my husband. Hubby brought his younger cousin to the BFM last night to get copies of the Harry Potter book at the midnight sale. While bumming around and waiting, he decided to purchase the "American Idiot" cd for me, knowing how much I wanted it. Now, I have a kick ass soundtrack for my day, and a good book to read, I move in less than two weeks, have my new adress, a new checking acount, and am planning on going to the drive-in tonight to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory...life is sweet

nothing, but nothing, says bonding better than shopping!

I got together with Mom today. We went shopping and then out to eat with the boys. It was a really nice day, incredible heat aside. Mom and I picked a couple outfits(okay, a shitload of outfits) out to try n, and a few things for the other person to try on. Everything that my mom picked for me fit beautifully, and is a style that I will where. How many other mom's can do that for their 26 year old daughter?? All said and done, she spent a little money on each boy, and a decent chunk of money on me, plus lunch. The buying me stuff was fun, it always is-quote my son "I like it when people buy me things!", but the spending time with mom part was really cool, I don't do it enough anymore, and it meant a lot to me. So everyone-next time you see me in a nice well fitting dress, and think "Damn, that girl looks good, especially for a mom of two!" Thank my mom, she probably picked out and bought the dress, and she is largely responsible for my DNA.

Three weeks left

In three weeks I get to move! I am elated-I will not have to deal with the bullshit here any longer. There are days when I know I don't do everything the in-laws would like, or it gets done, but not in a timely manner. Those are the days when I am biting my tongue to keep from yelling "What, we pay you for the privilage of my being your indentered servant!" I have always bit my tongue, but if I hear anything today, I am going off. Last night FIL was in a pissed of mood. He even announced that he was pissy at everything, and he proceded to, while making the most noise possible, do the dishes. This task normally falls to me, apparently, I made an arrangement, that I never recall making, to do the dishes every day...for NOTHING, not even a thanks most of the time. Just griping about how I don't do them right, or early enough, or I will let them sit until the next morning before doing them or whatever. I understand that I am the only one in the house of working age, who does not work outside of the house...I don't think the in-laws understand, though, that what I do is work, and not just an eight hour job, I do this damn near every day. Sometimes someone will take Bigguy over night or for the weekend, but little man is still with me, rarely do I have them both gone, and when they are, do I relax? Hell no, I do all the things I need to get done that I cannot do when they are arround. The in-laws like to bitch about the state of our rooms-which, in their defense, are messy. We pay rent, a very decent amount to live here, yet all our stuff is in our rooms, because we get bitched at if we use the attic, basement or shed, and their house is already so cluttered that we couldn't possibly have any of it in the common areas.
inhale, exhale,inhale,exhale
Three weeks
not that I'm counting

Independance day

It's july fourth-and as my Bro in law likes to say, the day for all good patriotic american's to blow shit up! Seriously, though, let's take a moment amid all the beer, blowing ups, loud music, and food to remind ourselves that we are celebrating our ountries freedom from another. Let's take a moment to remind ourselves that there are people in the world today living in feer of what their next leader will do, of what our "leader" will do, and wishing for any number of the freedoms that we currently have. So while you are out, having a good time, maube spending time with family and friends, take a minute for those who can't, and realize, that even with a shitty president, assholes in power, skyrocketing gas prices, and a broken state gov't-that we are rather lucky to have anything. Remember that supporting your troops is different from supporting the war, that speaking up if you are unhappy with the leadership of your country doesn't make you unpatriotic, and that we are a free country, and we need to ensure that we keep what freedom we have.

Tylonol 3 with codiene!

I hurt.
When I was younger I ground my teeth when I slept, a lot. I recently started doing it again. I lost a part of a filling because of it. Now my mouth hurts. My cheek is swollen, and I can feel pain all the way through my jawbome. Due to a paperwork snafu, I will not hve dental insurance until the first of the month-friday. Until then-I can deal with the pain, or I can take my Tylonol 3 with codiene. I have opted for the drugs-no, my mouth hurts and I am loopy and tired. The mother in law is home all week-taking a paid vacation from work while the father in law is at scout camp, I am actually glad for this. This means I can take my pain pills during the day if needed, and she can help with the boys. Also, if need be, she or the bro in law canhelp with driving. I am rapidly becomeing incoherant-so I will go to bed now. I had to try really hard to type this, and had to rewrite some words too many times. Well-till next time

hw2k

oppisite of writer's block?

I have starting working on my...whatever it will end up being. I am finding that instead of writers block I am having, I don't know, writer's flow? All of a sudden, now that I have decided on what to write, it just keeps coming. I cannot type or write fast enough to get all the thoughts down.Might have to get a tape recorder and make transcripts to copy at a later point in time. Currently, I think I am just goig to let it come, put it on paper as a rough draft, and do some editing when I type it in to save it to dosc. Once I have more to hammer out, I will be looking for some people to read it for me, to get their oppinions..Any volunteers?

writing stories

I have started, and deleted, the beginnings of my story/novel/work-of-fiction/chicklit/whatever it ends up being/ numerous times. I think the problem is that I keep trying for a particular genre each starting, and it never ends up that way. I am pretty sure that I understand why. One of te first things that any write will tell you is "Write what you know." Up till now, I have avoided doing that. I have a fairly weird family and extended family-including my in-laws, notoriously bad relations with my dad and step-mom, and a string of bad rellationships(including a marriage) that went on for too long, before I had kids, settled down, and got married-in that order. I have felt that if I write what I know, even if I turn it into "fiction", too many people close to me will recognize themselves, and be hurt or upset. Just recently, I came to a conclusion-Fuck IT!! If my friends and family and ex friends and ex family recognize themselves in my writing(if it ever gets published) and become upset by what they read, I hope they realize a few things.
Some Key Points
1) It is essentially a work of fiction, with my real life experiences used as references, some characters will be made of more than a single persons personality traits, and others will be exagerated, as I see fit.
2) Maybe if you are unhappy with how you feel your character was portrayed, you need to look at how I may see you, and why I see you that way, or if the character is even based on you in the first place.
3) if you are my dad, than yeah-I am pissed at you, and If given half a chance, will pro'lly make you into a pathetic dried up person, or a monster, or just leave you the way you are, and tell you everything I ever wanted to say to you but didn't have the guts, and hope you recognize yourself.
4) Once again, this will essentially be FICTION-fiction is false, entertaining, and not holden to reality-just because a character in my book is the sister of the narrator, does not mean she is my sister, and the narrator is not necessarily me.
5) if there is a crazy hat woman, she may or may not be based loosely on my mom
6) If the narrators or main characters relationships come into play-I will prolly make them much more numerous and scandalous than my relations have ever been, to make for better reading
7) I am not a monkey, this is not a type writer, this will not be shakespeare

birthday party hangover

Bigguy, who turns 4 on thursday, had his party on sunday. Many hours sat in the sun, talking, laughing, playing...I am so tired, and I have a slow burn. That's the sunburn that shows up a few hours after you've gotten out of the sun. The burn that only stays a little bit pink, before it fades to a tan, but still hurts like a sunbirn for a few days after. Cake, food, presents, friends-It was great. bigguy was his normal commical self, littleman slept for large amounts of time, too much heat and excitement, and the Mother-in-Law sent out an annoyed vibe. She is pleased that we are moving, but pissed that we are not buying right off the bat. She is just not understanding that as much as we would like to buy a house of our own, it isn't yet possible. Five weeks and five days till we move-then I have a dishwasher, my own kitchen, and my own space again.
Is it wrong that I fantasize about cooking?

Dude!!

I had a dream last night about my blog, maybe it was my subconcious telling me I needed to post more, or at least finish the posts I've started. Back to the dream in a minute. I haven't posted anything since we got the townhome, because as happy as I have been, all the posts I've started have been damn depressing. The nice thing about my blog is that it is mine. I can say anything I want here, and it's cool, I can say things that I normally wouldn't have the guts to say to family, and the get the idea, because some of my family reads this. I can just open up and let things flow. Sometimes, however, a writer doesn't always control what is flowing on any given day, and lately my mind has been very occupied with my dad. I tried very hard for many years to convince myself that Defunct-Dad couldn't possibly be as bad as all that, that it had to be Evil-Step-Mom's fault. I have finally come to terms with the fact that my dad is a human, and given to free will. He willfully dropped out of my life when I was 16, taking a moment every few years to pop back in and make me confused untill my first son was born. All of a sudden, there were grandchildren! We have to make things work for the kids! You know what-fuck that!!! 16 is still a kid, I was a kid when he ran away with the navy after the divorce, I was a kid when I needed him and he wasn't there, I was a kid when he started letting Evil-Step-Mom have a decission in my time with him, and it has impacted more of my life than I ever realized. Lately it's just all boiled to the surface, and if I don't get it out somewhere, I will temporarily cease to function, but at the same time, I do not need to dump it all on you, my readers. I have gotten most of it out, and th last few bits, I have saved for him, because it is not right that he go through life not realizing how his actions affect his only biological daughter.

Now back to the "Blog Dream"
I dreamt that I woke up, and went to make a post. Before I posted, I want and looked back through the previous posts, and found that I had a HUGE underground cult-like following that sprang up between 7pm and midnight. All of a sudden I had somewhere near 75 comments to every post, and people e-mailing me left and right, and it was scary overwhelming. The odd part, was that the people leaving comments were all leaving good, nice things-no snarking, no being an asshat, just good helpful encouraging things.
When I actually woke up-i realized it was a dream, and reumed my normal housewife life-but it was pretty neat.

WE GOT THE TOWNHOME!!!!

every now and then, time moves so quickly!

In a week and a half, Bigguy turns four. It doesn't seem like four years since he has been born, yet it was June 23, 2001, just before midnight, that he made his appearance in this world. Bugguy is very intelligent and likes to use big words, like vehicles and edible, instead of saying cars and trucks and planes, and can be eaten. I worry that as he grows older he will lose some of his properrnes and nit-pickyness that seems so unique right now. He also has a very refined pallat. He likes bleu cheese, and greek food, all vegetables, thai food, and had junior sushi last night(no fish or wasabi, but Eda Mame, egg custard, sea weed...he liked it.) He loves jazz music, word games, dancing, and moving his body to his emotions, ("Momma, this is how happy looks, this is how angry walks, this is how silly wiggles...See Momma, my body moves with my feelings and emotions, Here is confused, this is hungry...") I want him to be this innocent and open forever, I never want him to be ridiculed for being who he is, even if that person is rather different, and kind of obbsesive compulsive about very random seeming things. I want him to remain the boy who gets excited to the point of giggling when he figures out how something works. I want him to keep the drive that makes him figure out how things work in the first place.
"Look, Momma! The wheels on the train have a long rod that connects them at different places, that's how the wheels all go at the same speed so the train doesn't trip!"
"Poppa, I made your computer so it can run two things at once!"(a very exciting revalation for Bigguy)
"Momma, Littleman has teeth, so now he can start eating some food like me, and I can share with him, because his teeth will help him chew!"
the down side to having such an intelligent, sensitive, perceptive child is evident as well...
"Momma, are you sad because grandpa and grandma step-mom didn't call again."
"Momma, I have grandparents, how come you don't-do you miss them?"
"Poppa, where is your poppa, and how come we don't have pictures?"
"Poppa, will momma's daddy not be at my birthday again, like last year?"
How do I explain this to him, that we don't know who hubby's dad is, that my dad and step-mom are being pricks right now, and unfortunately, he got drawn into it, that eventually, grandparents die? I want him to hold on to his innocense for as long a possible, but at the same time, he will have to make and find his own truths in the world, and with that, the inocense andchild like sense of wonder can be lost.

gray

I wake up to feed Littleman at about 6:30 am, I would never have known it was morning, but I looked at the clock. Went back to sleep until I had to wake up to take Hubby to work, once again, I wouldn't have known it was morning unless the alarm went off. It is so bleak and gray outside right now, it's kind of depressing. I feel bad for all the kids who are having their first day of summer break.
"Hey, wanna go outside?"
"Hey, wanna go to the beach?"
"Dude, my folks are gone, yiou should walk over!"
it doesn't matter the request, if the person being asked cannot drive, the answer will be an universal "Hell no, it's dark out, and raining buckets! What makes you think I want to go out in this?!"
Bigguy hasbeen playing outside a lot lately, as almost 4 year old boys are wont to do. He will be angry today, because he cannot play in the rain, and with how hard it's coming down, once the rain stops, it'll be aufully muddy to play outside. I know, what sort of mother am I who won't let her kid play outside in the rain and mud? It's part of growing up! It's fun to splash in puddles and get your hands and feet all muddy! I don't argue that, but I just imposed a 1 bath a day policy for Bigguy, unless something out of his control requires him to need more. Given the chance, Bigguy will spend hours in the tub, and I just don't need him to wrinkle away to nothing.

housing update

as of yet(10:30am), we still do not have an answer, however, I talked with the Manager, and her notes are showing that all they are waiting on is a landlord reference...she said she didn't know if it was a currant or past reference they are waiting on, I tild her that our current landlord has not been contacted yet, at all. She was very suprised by this, and is calling the reference checking people to find out what is going on. She is going to try to have an answer for us by the end of the day. She also said that even though three to five days is the everage, they can sometimes take up to ten bisiness days to get the info back. I stated that that was all fine and dandy, but if all the references haven't even been checked yet, that is going to hamper the time it takes to get a turnoaround done. I also let her know that we cannot make any plans untill we know what is going on-we cannot even give notice untill we know if we are acepted o not. She let me know that wether she finds anything out today or not, I will hear back from her today with an update. Also if all they are waiting on is one reference, we pro'lly will get the approval....More as I know what is up

I know I said I wouldn't let them piss me off

I was not going to let my dad and step-mom piss me off this summer. WAS NOT GONNA DO IT!!!!! and damnit, they did. I am checking my e-mail this morning, and get a message from them about the older of my two younger brothers graduation and grad party. I was invited, over the phone, and thru the e-mail to his grad party, that's fine-pro'lly won't make it, but at least they tried, right? Then I open the pictures. My step-sister, her husband, and their two kids are there. Ya know, Dad and step-mom are always talking about inclusiveness, how we have to be a family, how they want Hubby, me and the boys to make them a part of our lives, how we have to put in more of an effort. Bull shit! If they could invite some of their kids, why not all of them. The didn't even tell me my brother was graduating this weekend!! I am proud of him, he did an amazing job, graduated at the top of his class, lots of honors and extra curriculars, what if I wanted to at least call him to say congrats. What if I wanted to send him a card. What if I wanted to be there. Step-mom's daughter and son in law and grandkids live in Savage, that is an almost two hour drive. I live in the cities, forty-five minutes away. They say they feel hurt when they are excluded, that it hurts them not to know what's going on. What? It doesn't work both ways? I'm not supposed to be hurt when someone I am related to by blood has his biggest moment in his life so far and I don't know? Hubby always says that I need to let go, close the book on their chapter in my life 'cause all it does is cause me pain. As much as I hate to admit it, he may be right. I cannot take any more of this.

I am furious over this!!!

The supreme court has made an horrible ruling about medical marijuanna. Esentially, they are saying that the fedural regulations involving the use of doctored prescribed marijuanna are to be upheld. That means that any marijuanna use is illegal-period. Now, I feel that pot should be legalized across the board, and barring that, it should be allowed for medical reasons. I know so many people who would benifet from the pain relief, the increase in appetite, and the relaxation that one recives from the occasional toke. Most candidates for medical marijuana are terminal cases who have tried other recourses to no avail. They have chronic, daily pain the likes of which we can only imagine, and just want to live out the rest of their lives relatively pain free and happy. Call your elected officials, let them this is wrong let them know that we will not stand for this. We need to fight for what we believe in, for what is right and for what is good. The entire idea that marijuanna is wrong and harmfull is incorrect to begin with, but to deny these people their last chance for a comfortable life, where they can enjoy what time they have left with friends and family, as opposed to being sick and in pain, is just evil.

support

Hubby is amazing. He works his ass off every day for me and the boys, loves that I am a stay-at-home mom, and makes sure that I have enough for whatever I need and a large part of what I want. He is also very supportive of all my various endevors. Now, I will be honest, he is not perfect all the time, neither am I. We argue, we disagree, we stress out, then we talk and compromise. We have a very good functional marriage. Back to the support thing. I really had no question in my mind, that when I said "Honey, I want to write a book", that he would support me. All he has to do isbe there, read my work if I let him, give input if he feels brave, and be there when I twit out with writers block. There would be NO financial output fo him untill it came time to send out copies to see if it could get published. That might never happen, then again it could happen next month. Either way, He has nothing to lose. I spoke with him about my craftwork (knit, crochet, quilting, needlepoint/embroidery, etc..). I explained to him that I would like to put various peices together, some traditional, some modern, some "geeky" (a term he understands, being he knows my projects, the geeky catagory covers the working of video game, anime and comic characters into a peice), and then hit craft shows, flea markets, and "cons" to see what sells, for what price, and narrow it down from there. Hubby thought it was a fabulous idea, and said that of course he would support me, just not to take it too fast. Then he asked where I would get the money! I was sputterring trying to get out that I was hoping he would front the money being that I don't work outside the house really!!! He started roaring with laughter. "Of course I will give you what you need to start this, Honey, I think you do fabulous work, and I believe in you, and if it doesn't work out, we will have plenty of blankies and such. But...I know you will do wonderfully at this, like you do at everything else."

I am so lucky I have him for my husband. I am so blessed that our children will grow up seeing a man treat a woman like this, with love and respect and support. Right now I have such a sense of calm and well being. Life is good.

still waiting

Still haven't heard anyhting back from the townhomes. I wish I would've heard anything on friday good or bad, so I wouldn't have to sit thru the entire weekend wondering. Part of me is looking at it from the stance of "every day we don't hear back something negative, is a good thing" but then I also know that they haven't called to check references with our landlord yet. How do I know this? My landlord is my father in law, whose bedroom is right next to mine-he would've told me if a call about the place happened to come in in the little bit of time that I am gone. Then again, they might jst decide to go off of reporting. Really, as long as Hubby is working,which he is, and we don't have horrid credit, which we don't, it should be fine. In the mean time, I just get to sit here and twiddle my thumbs. Well, twiddle my thumbs and clean my room. I really need to maintain instead of just do one big ass cleaning every now and then, but sometimes it feels so futile while all our stuff is in our room. I will be soooo happy when we are out of here. Hybby has been checking out other areas we could rent in if we don't get approved, but even if we do get approved, we will not be moving untill august. If we don't get the approval, we will have to do the whole application and waiting and deposit thing all over agin, and might have to wait untill september-gaaaarrrrgggghhhhh. Okay-I feel better now.

prolific vs prophylactic

I stated to an acquaintance the other day that I had been very prolific, lately, on my blog. Her response was rather startled
"You can do that!?!?"
"Ummm, yeah, why not?"
"But how the hell does that work, are you staying up later than Hubby, Is that what's going on?"
"Well, no, I've been doing it during the day, while h's at work, and the boys are resting, why?"
"Wait a minute...are you having an affair?"
"What The F!@#, Woman, are you talking about!!!I neither have the time nor the inclination to have an affair, how doyou get this sh!@ from me being prolific!!!!???"
"OH...Nevermind, I thought you said something else."
How do you even get that I would...ARGGHHHH, let's back this up and you can explain."
"Well, I thought you said prophylactic, and was wondering how your blog was keeping you from getting preggers, and then figured you must have said something other than blog. It never dawned on me that the word I misheard was prolific. I'm sorry."
After I quit laughing insanely, and appologised for said laughter, we continued with are regularly scheduled programming. What really made the entire ordeal that much more comical to me, was that she didn't know that prolific was also another word for fertile, and taken in that context was just too much.
hehehe, prolific

due to the number of calls...

In the last two hours, I have recieved numerous calls from family and friends asking if we've heard anything back on the Townhome yet. No we have not. When we do I will call people to let them know, and also post it here. Please-If you don't know that your number is programmed into my phones caller id,or know that Iknow the number you are calling fropm by heart-don't call. Everytime an unrecognized number pops up, my heart gets all flutterry wonderring if this will be the call letting me know what will be going on. Two to five days feels like forever, and are they talking two to five business days including the day we dropped off the application, or starting the day after. If it is two to five days starting the day after, we are on day2, starting the same day, we are on day 3. One way or the other I will know by Tuesday, but to quote Bigguy "I wanna know, now!!"

On to a completely different topic.

The baby is napping in the crib, Bigguy just came in from playing in the sprinkler attached to his slide. Outside the world smallsfresh, happy somehow. Birds are chirping out the window, the cat is pissed,and te dogs are subdued after a long mornings play. I am sitting at my computer, blogging, while thinking about the mound of housework that needs to be done. My reasonings are flawed. Who is going to spend a day like today cleaning? Who wants to be surrounded by dirty laundry and floors when the world is waking up and putting on it's summer clothes? At least, at the computer I can look outside the windows, see the sky, the grass, and the neighbors removing the flowers from their Lilac bushes, they don't want to aggrivate Bigguy. For the first time in I don't know how long, I feel at peace in this house, nestled away in the corner of my boys room, listening to one sleep, the other play. I am a mommy, and it feels good, right, natural. I am a mommy who isn't doing laundry, who made today's dinner last night, who plans on eating off of disposable just for today, so that we may, as a family, when Hubby gets off from work, enjoy the promise of summer. Fresh smells, fresh fruit, fresh beginings.. My sons learninghow to crawl or read, how to feed themselves or help make dinner, how to talk or know that it's okay to speak your mind if done with respect, how to be kids in a society that forces children to grow up too fast. This summer will be one filled with trips to the drive-in, walks to Dairy Queen, and days spent at the park with a picnic lunch. This summer will be hubby and my first summer married, Littleman's first summer ever, and Bigguys first summer completely out of daipers.
It will be good

just stuff

She's home from work again, how she keeps her job is anybodies guess. Hell, how she satys alive is anyones guess, too, being as her various health issues all seem to be valid and add up pretty quick! Ahh, ince we get accepted somewhere and move out of here, it'll be up to me when I deal with the In-Law, if she calls to have me come on by, I can always say no!!!
I realized this morning that my children are growing up. Now I know that this happens, I understand that we all start as babies, and grow into adult hood, but it is sometimes overwhelming to see the process from the start. LittleMan, almost eight months, is crawling, sitting up, and starting to feed himself, not neatly mind you, but the food goes in the mouth, and he is starting to hold his own bottle. Bigguy, almost 4, is on his forth night in a row of sleeping in underwear and waking up dry. He has been waking up with dry pants for longer than this, but we used to put him in pullups at night, he wasn't to great at holding till morning or waking himself up. He is also making his own PB&J sandwiches if I let him, and even though he claims he cannot read yet, we will find him almost every night, laying in bed with the light on after lights out, looking at a book, which he tells me about in full detail the next morning, just like his Poppa does.
I knew that oneday they would need me less and less, it is sad that it happens this soon, of course, new needs will crop up as they get older.

let the waiting commence

I dropped off the application last night. They changed their app process a little since we picked it up, so we had to fill out an extra form, and have the app fee and pre-lease depostit in money order form. My worries about getting accepted dwindle by the day. It is a renters market right now, property managers are desperate to fill vacancies. Add on top of this, both the managers at the townhome are women, both have a crush on a good friend that lives there and both know I am married with kids, all this equals no threat and an "in" with my friend. Hey, I'll admit that if this is the deciiding factor in us getting accepted-more power to them. What people need to realize, is even after forking over cash for the privelage of some stranger doing a complete background check on you, it ultimately comes down to the managers discretion on if you rent there. If you are renting from a large nameless faceless corporation, you don't have as much leiniency, because the prop manager is going to have a few higher ups setting the rules, but even then the prop manager can still make a case for the axe wielding puppy killer to get accepted, 'cause his moneys good and they have too many vacancies. In a smaller situation, where there are only a few properties owned by someone, and they hire managers for each property-the manager is King!! As long as they don't have too many non-payers-it's all good. Ultimately there is the privately held property. This is the situation that always cracks me up. They will generally charge much less for a background check, and most people don't think they even doone other than to call key references(being the references that will tell you they were called.)
The commical thing about all this, which is what I orriginaly intended to tell, was that when I dropped of the first set off forms, and the asst mgr was in, I was told Three to five days befor we heard back, after the main mgr met me and the boys, verified my marital status and freindship with crushboy, I was assured that I would be hearing in 2-3 days. Yeah, managerial discression at work!

too funny

I wish I had batterries in the camera, or a camera phone, so that I could take a picture of this to post. I have often time been heard saying that Bigguy, with his attitude and looks, will grow up to be either an awesome ladies man, or the Greatest DragQueen of All Time(yes, in caps even!) Well, he is napping on the couch right now, and has thrown off the blankets and gotten all comfy. He is currently in what I call Dancing Queen pose. I'll try to describe it for you-his arms are over his head, slightly bent at the elbows, both hands pointing to the right. The waist is fairly straight and the legs are slightly bent and turned. It looks like he fell over asleep, midway through a fabulous diva turn. I can hear the disco in the background now....

feeding the baby, while I post this...

When I am able to post with any sort of regularity, it is because me boys are sleeping, out with family, or I am giving the youngest a bottle break and typing one handed...guess which one it is this time! I no longer have the same worry about getting approved at the townhome. A good friend and the bro in law live there. The good friend let me know a few things-A) the rental market i pretty desperate right now, lots of people are buying or renting large private dwellings in groups. This makes tge management companies a little lax, B) because of this, they are pretty acccapting of most people right now. C) If our check comes back with some hits on it, no problem, they will put us in a "six month trial lease" to start out, if everything is paid ontime, and there are no issues, no problem...otherwise, after six months you are out of there. Add to that what the inimmatable Todd Vodka stated as a comment to the last post-and I have no real worries. This does not mean that I am sitting pretty, I still have a few butterflies, Murphy's Law, and all, but I will not let it get to me, Worry doesn't do anybody any good.

On a completely different note-I am thinking that I may have to start titleing posts after I right them. I figure thet if I title a post "Monkeys", you my readers will expect it to have something to do with primates at some point. Alas, it does not always work that way. My writing tends to go in it's own diredtion, sometimes I have very little control over what my fingers want to say. I think Dave Barry sums this phenomena up best in the intro to his book "Big Trouble", he warns that his younger readers might not want to read it because some of his characters use foul language, he did not mean for them too, but that is just the way they are. It may surprise some people to know that once you start writing, said writing takes on a life of its own. I have stated in past posts that I am debating writing a book. It is no longer debating, I am trying to do it, still debating if I will try to get it published whenever I am done, though. It is not going quite as smoothely as I anticipated. Once the characters and story started coming out of my head, they started argueing about what I was saying about them. None of the characters are based on any one person, they are all conglomerations, so I think maybe the different parts are fighting for dominance. if one character has bits of my mom, mother-in-law and sister(just to pull some people out of thin air) My mom wants to be dominant over my in-law, my sister has her quircks that demand page time, and my mother in law tries very hard o portray the best in her at all times. man-it's enough to make someone gocrazy! No wonder so many people think writers are a bit off.

Anticipation

On tuesday I will be dropping off our rental application(insert golden light and chiors of heaven here). I then get to start the "Week of Anticipation". this is the time when you are fairly certain you will get accepted, however every bad thing that you have ever done in your life, tht could ever show up on any report, ever, is running thru your head. What is really frustrating is in fabruary, before the wedding, we had applied for a much smaller place across the street from where we are now-after thinking about it-we decided not to take it, but we were aproved then, so why wouldn't we be now?!?! There is really no reason, but it is still mildly nerve wracking. After the "week" if we get it, I will then have just shy of two months in which to try an figure out everything we might need, where it is, get packed, and ready to go. MORE ANTICIPATION!!!

Damnit, give me instant gratification anyday!

knitting, quilting, my grandma's hands

I am a knitter. Few things bring me as much pleasure as a finely worked piece of knitting that I made. My older son, Bigguy, has a six xolor, three texture blanket that I made for him, while I was pregnant with Littleman. It is the first large (bigger than crib/slightly smaller than twin) peice that I have done, and I am very proud of it. I have always enjoyed craft work, crochet, quilting, sewing, but so far knitting brings me the most, hmmm, satisfaction, maybe? It is hard work, and my hands are sore by the end of a peice, but I can eisily chart the progress from beginning to end, and change where the end is, if I so desire.
Some days I really long to make a quilt. My grandma(mom the hipple's mom) quilted, as did her mom, and I think her mom as well. I think, sometimes, that it is in my blood. I have yet to do anything larger than a baby blanket yet, but I feel the need to make something LARGE. Once we are in our own place, and I have more room, I will probably start.
Oftentimes I think I would like to try to make an income from doing this, but I don't really know how that would work out for me. It takes a decent amount of time to make a decent anything by hand, especially when ou have to work around everyone elses schedule. I know that Hubby would support me, if I decided to give it a go, and that scares me. What if I have his total support, and then I fail? I would feel like I let us both down, somehow. If he thought it was silly or stupid, and I succeeded, I could be all "Ha take that! I did it, even though you thought I couldnt!!!" and if I failed, I could wallow in self pity and mopily tell him he was right...He is the sort of man who would say that I did my best, and he should've supported me, that it would've made the differrence. I am not afraid of doing it on my own and failing. I am afraid of failing him, and the boys, whih is probably rediculous.
As I stated earlier, my grandma(mom's side) quilted, and my grandma(dad's side) knit and crocheted. One thing I remember very vividly of these two women, both gone ten years, is there hands. The both had, what seemed to me, strong able hands. It amazed me that they could take their ten fingers and some scrap cloth, or yarn, and make these beautiful, warm, safe, loving, comfy blankets. Grandma(mom's side) really used scraps, she didn't buy "quilting blocks" from the fabric store, she cut.tore her own from whatever she could find, was given, was unwearable, etc..then stitched tham together, using a quilting frame she made herself, got together whatever she was going to use for batting, and an old sheet for the backing, and VIOLA! there was a quilt, made for a grandaughter, out of the ugliest, most mismatched,clashing materials that somehow, after she put them together, were beautiful. I want for my grandchildren to have memories like that....
Maybe I will look into how much a table at a craft show or flea market would run me sometime in the future, so other people could have memories of their own blankets..made with love...comfort for the stormy nights.
...I miss you grandma...

further updates to the even more updates, updates

Okey dokey camperoos! Here's the deal. Hubby's and my friend, Bad Boyfriend, decided to be our roommate, once again, so that we can get this way cool, super spacious three bedroom townhome in Bloomington! YAY!!! We have lived with Bad Boyfriend twice before, both times were not the best situation for good rooming. Too many people not enough money for one. Now, however, Bad Boyfriend has a decent job, been at it for 7 mobnths and will be up for management soon. Just a little backstory on his "blog alias" Bad Boyfriend was ultra cool step-sisters boyfriend at one point in time. He was, as the name would indicate, a bad boyfriend. He wasn't mean to her, and treated her fiarly well, but he had major issues with getting off the computer, and with calling-ever. So, after they broke up, he came into work(we were working at the same location at the time) and asked me if I knew why ultra-cool step-sister broke up with him. My response, oh so sensitively was
"Yeah, she dumped your ass 'case you are a Bad Boyfirend"-the name stuck. It is interesting to note that he would now make an excellent boyfriend to someone, good job, decent pay, and loves to go out and have fun. He did a 180 when it comes to what he finds entertaining, but is still the same good old guy inside. It's been interesting to watch him mature over time-I've known him since he was about seventeen or so, and now he is 22. Maybe I'll drop a line to ultra-cool step-sister-just to let her know.
So, after Hubby's next paycheck-I'll be dropping off our application, and within a week after that-we will know if we are in.

once again...updates

Bigguy is responding well to his meds, now we just have to put about six pounds on him...that may not sound like much, but is about a between a fifth and a sisxth of his body wieght. Littleman is trying to take the name Bigguy-he is huge! Healthy, but big. The quwest to get the hell out of here is moving right along-keep your fingers crossed. more later-

It's GODZILLA!!!!

Biguy is massively allergic to lilacs, has the Godzilla of all sinus infections, and needs to put on roughly 6-8 pounds-man life is fun! pass the butter please!

the power of imagination.

Sitting in the van, traffic at a standstill, luckily, little man is sleeping. I look in my rearview, see Bigguy smiling at me, I frown and hand him the kleenex box. He is still under the weather, and pouring buckets 'o' snot.
"Blow your nose, and keep the box back by you"
"Okay, momma(loud blowing noise)Look!It's an airplane!"
I look out the windows to see the airplane, but it is not there. I look in the rearview again to tell him I don't see it. Instead of seeing him, I see a flying box with a tissue tail. That is his airplane. Over the twenty minutes it took us to get home, that box was an airplane, a spaceship, a choochoo train, a submarine, a camera, a racecar, and for one brief moment the dreaded tissuesauraus dinosaur(with scary sound affects). In this world of high tech toys, a tissue box held my childs attention for twenty minutes, in close quarters.
He was sad when I told him it had to stay in the van, until we got inside, where tissue boxes are abundant. The tissue boxes met up with a shoe box, some toilet paper and paper towel tubes, and some food boxes, and they had a blast following the instructions of my son until it was time to lie down. We had a circus, a movie, more trains, a classroom...the list is almost endless.
1 tissue box - 1.99
four t.p. rolls - 1.49
shoe box - 19.99
watching my son use his mind for fun all day - priceless

sick , funny, and more of the darkside

Bigguy has allergies-he will be tested at his 4 year check-up to determine to what-but they are seasonal and bad. He is being hit really hard today, sore throat, phlegm, slight fever. After an early dinner he went to bed, but recently woke up to get cocoa and hugs. When asked by Gramma mother in law, and grandpa father in law if he was feeling betteryet, his response was
"Not now, but I will be better tomorrow."
We tried very hard not to laugh. This statement in and of itself is not funny, but you must imagine it in junior darth vadar voice to get the full idea. Bigguy normally has a very sweet little boy voice, but when he gets sick, it gets deeo and raspy, even more so since his bout with Croup. I have a small Sith Lord for a son right now.
"Momma(deep Vadaresqe breathing), I am not better(more breathing/dramaticpause) Momma(breathing/pause) I want some cocoa(breathing) I am your Bigguy(breathing)"
I know I shouldn't be laughing at him, he is not feeling well but, it is so damn funny. I keep expecting him to pull out a little light saber, maybe fight a small dyslexic speaking muppet. I geuss as long as he doesn't choke people just by looking at them we are in the clear.

the dark side

It's been said before, and will be said again, Pope Benedict looks a hell of a lot like Emporor Palpitine from the star wars movies-eerie

My brave,brave mom

My mom is a brave woman. She raised my sister and myaelf essentially on her own. She had some small financial help from my father, and assistance from my aunt and grandma-but basically it was all on her. She went back to school after I was born, to give us all a better life-then when I was in my early teens, went back to school again, Now she is her own business. She married my step-dad(Jazzdad) after a very brief courtship, the will be celebrating their ninth wedding anniversary next week. She stood by me when I made the wrong choice to marry my ex, supported me when I left him and moved back home-helped me when hubby and I hard our sons and celbrated with me when I married him. She has helped my sister thru depression, helped me thru god knows what all, and been thru more in her 49 years that most people will experience in three lifetimes. She has dealt with abuse, poverty, death of parent, dysfunction in the axtremes, and suburbia(shudder).
Now, though, she does something that boggles the mind. Tonight, she will be taking her almost 4 yea old grandson, my boy Bigguy, to the State Theatre, to see (drumroll please) Dora The Explorer, Live!!! She will be in a theatre with hordes of young children and their harried parents just to please my son. When I told them what they would be doing today-his face was full of angelic bliss. She is undoubtedly the bravest grammie on the block. I love my mom, Bigguy loves his grammie, and he will remember tonight for years to come.

Ask Housewife

Recently, a friend with no spouse or children asked what I did with my "Me Time". I almost choked on my swiss cake roll. When you have two kids and a husband, and try your damndest to take care of them, you don't have much "me time". I get to shower, eat, read, and post here while my kids are sleepoing, eating, and playing outside(we live in Minnesota-so that playing outside thing doesn't happen as much as I like). He seemed completely baffled by the thought of not having many hours during the day to fevote to ones self. Yes, I need adult interraction, quite time, personal time and what have you-we all do, but it is hard to come by. When I do get time for myself-I try to make the most of it, I understand that if I don't take good care of myself I will not be good for my family, and I will porbably go off the deep end. I do have me time, it's what we call sleep and shower. I need to have kid time, husband time, chore time, and not killing my in-law time as well. I lead a very busy life.
Another friend asked, if I don't work, what I do with my days. You've got to be kidding me! Just because I don't have a day job does not mean that I sit on my ass and eat candy all day. I have kids. If that statement isn't enough(or if you don't have kids yourself) borrow someones kids for the weekend, when it's icky, so you cannot play outside, and you have other things, like housework and cooking, you need to get done while they are there. Then try and tell me it's not work.
My personal favortite question of late is "You must really relate to/like that show "Desperate Housewives", huh?" Let me preface this next statement by saying, I have never seen the show. It is my understanding that the women on this show lead rather extravegant lives, part of wich involves sleeping with many people who they are not in a committed relationship with, extramarital affairs. If I had a poolboy/cabanaboy/gardener I would not sleep with them I would tell them to get their asses outside andwork, my kids need to get out of the house and play, and cannot do so until their job is complete!Then I would take whatever time I might have in which to have an affair and shower, alone, for a long time. It would be more fulfilling to me too have clean hair, shaved legs, and pleasent smelling skin, than to sleep with some dude who ain't my husband.
Do I think it is degrading to other women to be a housewife? How can my being a housewife degrade other women?!?! It is a choise I was able to make. If they find it degrading-DON"T DO IT!!!
But isn't my husband controlling me? No! I have the control in the relationship, point blank. I balance the budget, plan the meals, raise the kids, do the laundry. If I don't want him to wear something to a particular place or on a particular day, it isn't clean. If I want something in particular for dinner-No Problem! I do the cooking and the shopping. If I really really want to do something and he doesn't want to participate-I do it while he is at work. If I really really need time to myself I can find someone to watch the boys for the day. I have the majority of the power.
well that's enough for now-more to come...

seriously, this dude is our elected president?

I want everyone to take a few minutes and check out this site, http://www.slate.com/id/76886/ , It is chock full of Bushisms. When you read this, take into account that he is our PRESIDENT!!! I know fifteen year old stoners with more wits about themselves. At least I can rest secure in the knowledge that we only allow two terms, so he will be out in a few years. Hopefully we will be able to repair any damage he has caused. People, I know it is only May, and only 2005 at that. We still have a long way to go till our next election, three and a half years, but please, please, please, start encouraging others to vote, to educate them selves on politics. Remind them that there are more elections that just the presidential election(serious-I knew someone who only voted the pres. election-they felt it was they "only one that matterred", I slapped them silly.) We need to make the country at least half assed good again, we need to make a better future for our children, MY children. We cannot let idiots like this decide our national policies anymore. For the love of pete! We have an imbicile for President, what I am fairly certain is a robot for vice president, a first lady with a rediculously high approval rating whose husband goes against damn near everything she wants to do....Man alive-HOW DID WE LET THIS HAPPEN!!!! Everybody, everybody, needs to get out there and vote, educate yourselves and others-know what you want, what you don't want-who can bring it to the table for you-ignore the political lables if you must. Just because they ride under the banner of whatever political party you side with doesn't mean they share your veiws. And as hard as it is-vote your concience, not what you think you need to vote to keep the "bad guy" from winning. Even if you vote for someone that doesn't stand much of a chance, you will be helping out candidates in the future. If we all vote, and idiots like Bush still get elected-fine we did what we could and what we fealt was right. But, if you don't vote-you have no right to bitch, if you don't vote, you are just as culpable as the people who voted for him. And I don't want to hear the line of "it's just one vote-it doesn't really count"! A) those just one votes add up, B) the 2000 election was ultimately determined by less than 1000 votes(if you believe that Bush didn't just steal florida outright because his bro is the Gov.) Educate your children, your friends, your barista, your self. Learn what you can. Knowledge is power.

mother's day

I just want to wish everyone happy mother's day! Yes everyone, not just females. The mom's who stay home with their kids, the mom's who work, for their kids, moms who put up for adoption and moms who adopted. Moms who do the right thing, even when it is not easy. Aunts who don't have kids, so treat their nieces/nephews like royalty. The Dad who has costody, the gay couple that adopts, the foster family. Friends that help out, grandparents, without whom our own children wouldn't be possible. Doctors, nurses, midwives, doulas, everyone who plays a hand in bringing a child into the earth. Daycare providers, you help the moms which have to work, teachers-enough said.
One day our children grow up, they do not relyon us for everything anymore, but what we tought them when they were young will stick with them the rest of their lives. From my mom, I learned acceptance of all people, hard work, and sacrifice all have their own rewards. from my aunt, I learned a little bit of attitude goes a long way, but too much attitude gets you no where fast. From my sister, I learned things only someone with an older sister could understand. My father tought me that not all dads are infalliable, My step father tought me that some dads are truely good, are there for their kids, and that there is more than biology that determines who your kids are(thank you so much jazzdad, for all you have done for me, my boys, and my mom). From my step mom, I learned that a small, closed mind and narrow worldveiw will most likely stay that way, but in somepeople(not her per se) it can change. From my mom's mom, I learned how to make anything there is to eat, from practically nothing, and that you never stop caring for your children-even when they dissapoint you, I wish she was still here to learn from.
I don't know how many people read this blog, nor do I really care, I just hope the people reading it understand the affect parents have on their childrens lives, and that it ripples down throughout the generations. My sons will never be able to meet any of my grandparents, but they will learn things that I learned at both my granma's knees, in both their kitchens, stories and songs from both.
So have a happy moothers day, EVERYONE, for it doesn't matter if you gave birth, can give birth, or will ever give birth. If it takes a village to raise a child, then you all are important and special today.

Bewarned-rant about mother in law ahead

First-note the new links-8-bit theater is a web strip-very funny if you're into rpg's or remember 8-bit video games, then ther'e Waiterrant. I highly recomend you check him out, funny, honest, pissed off. If you've ver worked the wait side of kitchen staff, you'll appreciate him.

Now, time for something completely different-a Mother-in-law rant-haven't had a good one of these, at least not for a while. As I've stated before, she is the Queen High Mum of passive-aggressiveness, she also feels that her way is the only right way. As you all know, Hubby, myself, and coolest sister are looking to buy a house. We are thinking that we might rent for a year first, to give Hubby more time on thejob, to give coolest sister more time on her job, and to give us a better idea of what our housing needs will be. There will be three adults and two kids, not to mention pets, in one space. M.I.L. is totally against this, she feels that it would be a waste of money, time, etc. First-what business is it of hers, she won;t be living with us, nor will she be contributing financially. Second-yes, we will not be owning where we are renting, but by waiting we will be able to afford a better/bigger/more suited to us house-we will have better established credit, which will lower interest rates for us than with our current lack of sufficient/no credit. And Most importantly-we will know our new family dynamic. The boys willbe living with their aunt, Hubby and I will be living with a sister, Sister will be living with a family unit that is seperate from her, while still being a unit with her. We might not need as much space as we think to peacefully cohabitate, but maybe we will need more. By renting for a year first, we will know, and if the unlikely possibilaty faces that we cannot peacefully cohabitate-we will know before we buy, and can adjust our plans accordingly.
I just get very upset with M.I.L that she feels it is her place to tell us what we should de with our lives. I f she took half as much interest in hubby when he was younger, he prolly would be a lot better off in life. She sacrificed his education for a refferal bonus at work, she never gave him any support, and helped him to accrue rediculous amounts of personal debt from her, that we had to work hard at paying off. Yes, we live with her and the father in law-but we pay rent to live here-more than enough-I do damn near all the cleaning, and we are autonomous of them. We are not living off of them, we are living with them, and pulling more than our fair share-it is not her concern how I raise/educate/discipline my kids if they are healthy and happy. It is not her deal whether we rent or own. I think she is just pissed that if we rent with my sister, we won;t be lining here, and they will lose money and free labor.
If we were going to be renting some little whole in the wall barely fit for humans-that would be one thing-but we won't. If we were going to be so far away that she would never see us, sho might have a complaint, but we wont. If she EVER owned property of her own, rented on her own, or for that matter ever livved on her own, that would be one thing. However, she is in her mid forties and never done that. She lived with her parent untill she got with the F.I.L she lived under their roof-not really contributing, and raising her two boys untill hubbby was about11 or twelve and the bro in law was about 3 or four. She never had to deal with supporting ones children-she always had people willing to pick up the slack. She has never rented, so doesn't know that it's not all bad. And frankly she has never owned property, this house is in the F.I.L's name only, even though it was bought after they were together, and she hads lived with him the entire time. Her concept of doing what is best for her children is to strong arm them into doing what she wants, not what will be best for them-because if she thinks it right it must be, and that's that. My sister's lease will be up soon. We are probably going to have a place before than. I will be out of this house soon enough. It's only temporary...it's only temporary...it's only...

I hurt

PCOS-Poly-Cystic-Ovary-Syndrome(or disorder,depending on region) The most cruel and unusual punishment the female body can dish out. Irregular, and I mean highly irregular, menstrual cycles, severe cramping and heavy flow when you do cycle, headaches when you don't, it negatively affects ones fertility, when the cramping hits, some women have had to be hospitalized to deal with the pain. Then today, when speaking with a triage nurse, to try and keep me out of the E.R. for pain reasons, the subject of how lucky I am to have my boys came up. Statistically, it shouldn't have happened, but it did. Nurse then informs me of something the doctors and specialists never did, she even gave me the documentation to back it up, the symptoms and side affects of PCOS get WORSE after every child. She speculated that the birth of my first son escalated the issues enough for me to actually see a Doctor, and the birth of the second made it that much worse. The real kicker here, is that there is a slim chance that Hubby and I will ever be able to convieve again, EVER, and if we do manage to concieve again, my symptoms will be excrutiating afterwards. I am only 26, I might want more children(okay, 1 more child) someday, but not if it comes at the expense of a lifetime of pain every few months(okay, not a lifetime either) Right now I hurt physically, mentally, and emotionally. Maybe I will be able to think more clearly about this when the physical pain lessens.

YAY POOP!!

Bigguy had a fear of pooping on the potty, I don't know why, but he did. Did, as in past tense, being the opperable word. He didn't make it in the potty, so mach as on the potty, but he fealt that he had to poop, ran into the bathroom and tried!! I am so happy for and proud of my bigguy right now. I never though shit would be this good. I am releaved, proud, kinda sad cause it means he's growing, glad, cause it means he's growing. I'm going to call hubby right now to tell him!! Man, I'm such a mom!