Wednesday, May 25, 2005

knitting, quilting, my grandma's hands

I am a knitter. Few things bring me as much pleasure as a finely worked piece of knitting that I made. My older son, Bigguy, has a six xolor, three texture blanket that I made for him, while I was pregnant with Littleman. It is the first large (bigger than crib/slightly smaller than twin) peice that I have done, and I am very proud of it. I have always enjoyed craft work, crochet, quilting, sewing, but so far knitting brings me the most, hmmm, satisfaction, maybe? It is hard work, and my hands are sore by the end of a peice, but I can eisily chart the progress from beginning to end, and change where the end is, if I so desire.
Some days I really long to make a quilt. My grandma(mom the hipple's mom) quilted, as did her mom, and I think her mom as well. I think, sometimes, that it is in my blood. I have yet to do anything larger than a baby blanket yet, but I feel the need to make something LARGE. Once we are in our own place, and I have more room, I will probably start.
Oftentimes I think I would like to try to make an income from doing this, but I don't really know how that would work out for me. It takes a decent amount of time to make a decent anything by hand, especially when ou have to work around everyone elses schedule. I know that Hubby would support me, if I decided to give it a go, and that scares me. What if I have his total support, and then I fail? I would feel like I let us both down, somehow. If he thought it was silly or stupid, and I succeeded, I could be all "Ha take that! I did it, even though you thought I couldnt!!!" and if I failed, I could wallow in self pity and mopily tell him he was right...He is the sort of man who would say that I did my best, and he should've supported me, that it would've made the differrence. I am not afraid of doing it on my own and failing. I am afraid of failing him, and the boys, whih is probably rediculous.
As I stated earlier, my grandma(mom's side) quilted, and my grandma(dad's side) knit and crocheted. One thing I remember very vividly of these two women, both gone ten years, is there hands. The both had, what seemed to me, strong able hands. It amazed me that they could take their ten fingers and some scrap cloth, or yarn, and make these beautiful, warm, safe, loving, comfy blankets. Grandma(mom's side) really used scraps, she didn't buy "quilting blocks" from the fabric store, she cut.tore her own from whatever she could find, was given, was unwearable, etc..then stitched tham together, using a quilting frame she made herself, got together whatever she was going to use for batting, and an old sheet for the backing, and VIOLA! there was a quilt, made for a grandaughter, out of the ugliest, most mismatched,clashing materials that somehow, after she put them together, were beautiful. I want for my grandchildren to have memories like that....
Maybe I will look into how much a table at a craft show or flea market would run me sometime in the future, so other people could have memories of their own blankets..made with love...comfort for the stormy nights.
...I miss you grandma...

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