Friday, October 31, 2008

Enough with the ads already!

I wake up exta early this morning, to six solid minutes of political ads on the radio. I hop up, turn the radio off, and flip on the TV to check the weather and traffic, just in time for another 6 minutes od campaign ads.
In the car ride this morning, to get Hubby to work, I had to change the station on the radio rougly every 10 minutes to avoid, you guessed it, minutes upon minutes of political ads.

Seriously, I am so done with this.

I want to be able to have background noise on without hearing what Coleman, Franken, McCain, Obama, and the dreaded Bachman did. Is that too much to ask?

I know that it it s scant handful of days until the election. I know that this is one of the biggest elections EVAH!!! But I just want some freedom from it all.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

four months ago today

Four months ago, at about this time, I was in a hospital room, out of the mass recovery room, after having my hysterectomy.
I am doing pretty good.
My incision scars itch, one in particular more than the others, but I have been told by everyone that this is normal, and with where the scar is (right side of abdomen, going through some stretch marks) that it will always itch off an on.
My ovaries are mostly functioning, they are still a little sluggish- I still have the occasional hotflash, then a week later, I will be all PMS-y. I used to have cramps to warn me when it was coming, now, I just get cranky, cravey, and water retainy.
I am not sore anymore. I don't think I can adequately explain just how awesome not hurting is. I still have aches and pains, but I do.not.hurt.

I have a bunch more stuff to talk about, like ragaling the story of our plumbing, and other things, but it has to wait, as kids call.

Sunday, October 26, 2008


You know it's sad when a friend asks what you are going to dress up as for Halloween, and specifies that it should be something different than what you are in a daily basis, and your reply is "A well put together, efficiant, stay at home mom."

Monday, October 13, 2008

Thor is four!!!

Todqay, Thor, my middle son, is 4 years old.
Yesterday, we had a special dinner, and we had cake. The closest we could get him to understand was that it was, and I quote Thor here "Happy Birthday to you for me to eat, cake!"
Same with the presants, he was happy to get them, but he is so fuzzy on the concept of birthdays, and how they apply to him, that I think that we could habe done nothing, and it wouldn't have mattered to him.

At 4, we are partially potty trained, which for a normal 4 year old isn't all that much, but for him, on the spectrum and with sensory issues, is HUGE. When given a choice, he will consistantly choose training pants over a pull up, and will even wear his Elmo uderwear on some days, a major feat, as he will only wear them on days where he is confident he can urinate and defecate on the toilet, as he will not risk gettin Elmo wet or soiled.

At 4, he is talking more. If he cannot come up with the word he needs, or cannot say the word he needs (due to texture reasons, mostly) he may use 18 words to say something simple, like "I need more mmmmm nummy milk for the drinking at nappy time please" instead of "Could I have more milk please" or even "Fill my sippy cup"
At 4, he will talk alot if allowed to sing or ad a -y sound to the end of words. Nap time is nappy time, dinner or lunch or breakfast is "food for the eaty time" but he is learning.
Sometimes, it is like living with a larger Yoda.

He laughs all the time. Everything as funny. He apologizes for everything,. We don't even know what, half of the time, he will just walk up, give a hug, and say "Oh, Boo Sorry!"

He gets very upset if things are not done right, although 'right' is a flexable concept we will never understand. Sometimes the pants need to go on first, sometimes the socks, sometimes we have to wear shorts under the pants.

He has no idea yet that he is different from other kids. No clue that how he plays more closely resembles a three year old than a 4 year old. No clue that he doens't speak right, that not every kids needs to have things done in a certain way, that not every kid gets the option of running around mostly naked just because we canno0t find any clothes today that don't make us freak out.

He is also a very typical 4 year old. He gets into trouble, throws tantrums on occasion, gets out in time out. Granted, he will 'trade' his time out with Loki. He gets into Hermes room, and decided that it is all his.

I do not know any more now than I did 2 years ago, when he was first diagnosed, what the future holds for him. I know that I will always do my best by him, though, and I will always be there for him. I know that it is normal for parents with kids like mine ti need a vacation from their kid, and to feel guilty forn eeding it.
I know that he loves me, and he doens't care that some days I am a hot mess. I am momma, and Momma is good.
I know he loves Hubby, even though somedays Hubby can be a flaming asshole, as he isPoppa, and Poppa is great.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

therapists and anxiety

Last night, I met with my new therapist for the first time. I explained what has been going on with me, which is not something I have discussed here too much.
I have been having anxiety attacks of the panic variety. They have been increasing their frequency over the last year, and sinse I couldn't logic them into not happenning, nor could I logic their being around, I sought help.
Therapist is pretty awesome. I need to find her a name other than Lucy Liu, who she reminds me of, I'll work on that.
She let me know that if there isn't an underlying issue, like depression, and frankly, even if there is, that stopping them probably won't happen, but we went over many techniques to mitigate how bad they are, to help me finnction better in between times, and stuff like that.
I don't see her again for a month, as we would like to see if I have another attack or two in between now and then, which, if the pattern holds, I will.

I have a few assignments between now and then, however-
I am to keep a daily journal, even if it's jotted down before bed like this - DATE_ everything went OK. She would like more detail in it over time, but she understands that I am a busy mother.
I am to keep an anxiety journal- not of daily anxiety, but if I do have an attack, or just more than normal anxiety levels that interfere with daily life, I am to stop, write down the time, what I was doing, what everyone else was doing around me, the condition of my house, things that are on my to-do list, etc...basically, we are looking to see if the factors causing this are external (bills, messiness, something on TV, etc) or internal (stress, depression, OCD, what have you)
I am to meditate and work on meditation techniques- relaxation, deep breething, justb eing her and now.
I am also to try and limit myself to one hour of politics a day, with exceptions to be made for debates, etc... This ine is just for my immediate mental health, as I am rather worked up over tis election, and I will freely admit that.
I am to do research online about anxiety, bipolar, depression, and biological components of mental health. Having a bipolar sister, and some history of depression in my family pretty much means I will not come through the mental health windmill unscathed. She wants me to see if I notice anything about myself that raises alarm bells, she want me to understand the links, and she also let me know that some people have anxiety issue based on control- and not having enough, feeling like htings are out of their hands, etc... the more I am educated, the more control I may feel I have.
Another one, and she said that this is temporary, just while we work on everyhting else, she only wants me in school half to 3/4 time. She does not want me to go full time until we either work on my perfectionism in school thing, or I have the kids in preschool or not around 24/7 There is no reason for me to add stress to my life if I don't have to. School is good, wanting to better myself is good- taking on too much at once is setting meself up for stress, turmoil, and more attacks.