Tuesday, May 31, 2005

too funny

I wish I had batterries in the camera, or a camera phone, so that I could take a picture of this to post. I have often time been heard saying that Bigguy, with his attitude and looks, will grow up to be either an awesome ladies man, or the Greatest DragQueen of All Time(yes, in caps even!) Well, he is napping on the couch right now, and has thrown off the blankets and gotten all comfy. He is currently in what I call Dancing Queen pose. I'll try to describe it for you-his arms are over his head, slightly bent at the elbows, both hands pointing to the right. The waist is fairly straight and the legs are slightly bent and turned. It looks like he fell over asleep, midway through a fabulous diva turn. I can hear the disco in the background now....

feeding the baby, while I post this...

When I am able to post with any sort of regularity, it is because me boys are sleeping, out with family, or I am giving the youngest a bottle break and typing one handed...guess which one it is this time! I no longer have the same worry about getting approved at the townhome. A good friend and the bro in law live there. The good friend let me know a few things-A) the rental market i pretty desperate right now, lots of people are buying or renting large private dwellings in groups. This makes tge management companies a little lax, B) because of this, they are pretty acccapting of most people right now. C) If our check comes back with some hits on it, no problem, they will put us in a "six month trial lease" to start out, if everything is paid ontime, and there are no issues, no problem...otherwise, after six months you are out of there. Add to that what the inimmatable Todd Vodka stated as a comment to the last post-and I have no real worries. This does not mean that I am sitting pretty, I still have a few butterflies, Murphy's Law, and all, but I will not let it get to me, Worry doesn't do anybody any good.

On a completely different note-I am thinking that I may have to start titleing posts after I right them. I figure thet if I title a post "Monkeys", you my readers will expect it to have something to do with primates at some point. Alas, it does not always work that way. My writing tends to go in it's own diredtion, sometimes I have very little control over what my fingers want to say. I think Dave Barry sums this phenomena up best in the intro to his book "Big Trouble", he warns that his younger readers might not want to read it because some of his characters use foul language, he did not mean for them too, but that is just the way they are. It may surprise some people to know that once you start writing, said writing takes on a life of its own. I have stated in past posts that I am debating writing a book. It is no longer debating, I am trying to do it, still debating if I will try to get it published whenever I am done, though. It is not going quite as smoothely as I anticipated. Once the characters and story started coming out of my head, they started argueing about what I was saying about them. None of the characters are based on any one person, they are all conglomerations, so I think maybe the different parts are fighting for dominance. if one character has bits of my mom, mother-in-law and sister(just to pull some people out of thin air) My mom wants to be dominant over my in-law, my sister has her quircks that demand page time, and my mother in law tries very hard o portray the best in her at all times. man-it's enough to make someone gocrazy! No wonder so many people think writers are a bit off.

Friday, May 27, 2005


On tuesday I will be dropping off our rental application(insert golden light and chiors of heaven here). I then get to start the "Week of Anticipation". this is the time when you are fairly certain you will get accepted, however every bad thing that you have ever done in your life, tht could ever show up on any report, ever, is running thru your head. What is really frustrating is in fabruary, before the wedding, we had applied for a much smaller place across the street from where we are now-after thinking about it-we decided not to take it, but we were aproved then, so why wouldn't we be now?!?! There is really no reason, but it is still mildly nerve wracking. After the "week" if we get it, I will then have just shy of two months in which to try an figure out everything we might need, where it is, get packed, and ready to go. MORE ANTICIPATION!!!

Damnit, give me instant gratification anyday!

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

knitting, quilting, my grandma's hands

I am a knitter. Few things bring me as much pleasure as a finely worked piece of knitting that I made. My older son, Bigguy, has a six xolor, three texture blanket that I made for him, while I was pregnant with Littleman. It is the first large (bigger than crib/slightly smaller than twin) peice that I have done, and I am very proud of it. I have always enjoyed craft work, crochet, quilting, sewing, but so far knitting brings me the most, hmmm, satisfaction, maybe? It is hard work, and my hands are sore by the end of a peice, but I can eisily chart the progress from beginning to end, and change where the end is, if I so desire.
Some days I really long to make a quilt. My grandma(mom the hipple's mom) quilted, as did her mom, and I think her mom as well. I think, sometimes, that it is in my blood. I have yet to do anything larger than a baby blanket yet, but I feel the need to make something LARGE. Once we are in our own place, and I have more room, I will probably start.
Oftentimes I think I would like to try to make an income from doing this, but I don't really know how that would work out for me. It takes a decent amount of time to make a decent anything by hand, especially when ou have to work around everyone elses schedule. I know that Hubby would support me, if I decided to give it a go, and that scares me. What if I have his total support, and then I fail? I would feel like I let us both down, somehow. If he thought it was silly or stupid, and I succeeded, I could be all "Ha take that! I did it, even though you thought I couldnt!!!" and if I failed, I could wallow in self pity and mopily tell him he was right...He is the sort of man who would say that I did my best, and he should've supported me, that it would've made the differrence. I am not afraid of doing it on my own and failing. I am afraid of failing him, and the boys, whih is probably rediculous.
As I stated earlier, my grandma(mom's side) quilted, and my grandma(dad's side) knit and crocheted. One thing I remember very vividly of these two women, both gone ten years, is there hands. The both had, what seemed to me, strong able hands. It amazed me that they could take their ten fingers and some scrap cloth, or yarn, and make these beautiful, warm, safe, loving, comfy blankets. Grandma(mom's side) really used scraps, she didn't buy "quilting blocks" from the fabric store, she cut.tore her own from whatever she could find, was given, was unwearable, etc..then stitched tham together, using a quilting frame she made herself, got together whatever she was going to use for batting, and an old sheet for the backing, and VIOLA! there was a quilt, made for a grandaughter, out of the ugliest, most mismatched,clashing materials that somehow, after she put them together, were beautiful. I want for my grandchildren to have memories like that....
Maybe I will look into how much a table at a craft show or flea market would run me sometime in the future, so other people could have memories of their own blankets..made with love...comfort for the stormy nights.
...I miss you grandma...

Sunday, May 22, 2005

further updates to the even more updates, updates

Okey dokey camperoos! Here's the deal. Hubby's and my friend, Bad Boyfriend, decided to be our roommate, once again, so that we can get this way cool, super spacious three bedroom townhome in Bloomington! YAY!!! We have lived with Bad Boyfriend twice before, both times were not the best situation for good rooming. Too many people not enough money for one. Now, however, Bad Boyfriend has a decent job, been at it for 7 mobnths and will be up for management soon. Just a little backstory on his "blog alias" Bad Boyfriend was ultra cool step-sisters boyfriend at one point in time. He was, as the name would indicate, a bad boyfriend. He wasn't mean to her, and treated her fiarly well, but he had major issues with getting off the computer, and with calling-ever. So, after they broke up, he came into work(we were working at the same location at the time) and asked me if I knew why ultra-cool step-sister broke up with him. My response, oh so sensitively was
"Yeah, she dumped your ass 'case you are a Bad Boyfirend"-the name stuck. It is interesting to note that he would now make an excellent boyfriend to someone, good job, decent pay, and loves to go out and have fun. He did a 180 when it comes to what he finds entertaining, but is still the same good old guy inside. It's been interesting to watch him mature over time-I've known him since he was about seventeen or so, and now he is 22. Maybe I'll drop a line to ultra-cool step-sister-just to let her know.
So, after Hubby's next paycheck-I'll be dropping off our application, and within a week after that-we will know if we are in.

once again...updates

Bigguy is responding well to his meds, now we just have to put about six pounds on him...that may not sound like much, but is about a between a fifth and a sisxth of his body wieght. Littleman is trying to take the name Bigguy-he is huge! Healthy, but big. The quwest to get the hell out of here is moving right along-keep your fingers crossed. more later-

Wednesday, May 18, 2005


Biguy is massively allergic to lilacs, has the Godzilla of all sinus infections, and needs to put on roughly 6-8 pounds-man life is fun! pass the butter please!

Monday, May 16, 2005

the power of imagination.

Sitting in the van, traffic at a standstill, luckily, little man is sleeping. I look in my rearview, see Bigguy smiling at me, I frown and hand him the kleenex box. He is still under the weather, and pouring buckets 'o' snot.
"Blow your nose, and keep the box back by you"
"Okay, momma(loud blowing noise)Look!It's an airplane!"
I look out the windows to see the airplane, but it is not there. I look in the rearview again to tell him I don't see it. Instead of seeing him, I see a flying box with a tissue tail. That is his airplane. Over the twenty minutes it took us to get home, that box was an airplane, a spaceship, a choochoo train, a submarine, a camera, a racecar, and for one brief moment the dreaded tissuesauraus dinosaur(with scary sound affects). In this world of high tech toys, a tissue box held my childs attention for twenty minutes, in close quarters.
He was sad when I told him it had to stay in the van, until we got inside, where tissue boxes are abundant. The tissue boxes met up with a shoe box, some toilet paper and paper towel tubes, and some food boxes, and they had a blast following the instructions of my son until it was time to lie down. We had a circus, a movie, more trains, a classroom...the list is almost endless.
1 tissue box - 1.99
four t.p. rolls - 1.49
shoe box - 19.99
watching my son use his mind for fun all day - priceless

Saturday, May 14, 2005

sick , funny, and more of the darkside

Bigguy has allergies-he will be tested at his 4 year check-up to determine to what-but they are seasonal and bad. He is being hit really hard today, sore throat, phlegm, slight fever. After an early dinner he went to bed, but recently woke up to get cocoa and hugs. When asked by Gramma mother in law, and grandpa father in law if he was feeling betteryet, his response was
"Not now, but I will be better tomorrow."
We tried very hard not to laugh. This statement in and of itself is not funny, but you must imagine it in junior darth vadar voice to get the full idea. Bigguy normally has a very sweet little boy voice, but when he gets sick, it gets deeo and raspy, even more so since his bout with Croup. I have a small Sith Lord for a son right now.
"Momma(deep Vadaresqe breathing), I am not better(more breathing/dramaticpause) Momma(breathing/pause) I want some cocoa(breathing) I am your Bigguy(breathing)"
I know I shouldn't be laughing at him, he is not feeling well but, it is so damn funny. I keep expecting him to pull out a little light saber, maybe fight a small dyslexic speaking muppet. I geuss as long as he doesn't choke people just by looking at them we are in the clear.

the dark side

It's been said before, and will be said again, Pope Benedict looks a hell of a lot like Emporor Palpitine from the star wars movies-eerie

Thursday, May 12, 2005

My brave,brave mom

My mom is a brave woman. She raised my sister and myaelf essentially on her own. She had some small financial help from my father, and assistance from my aunt and grandma-but basically it was all on her. She went back to school after I was born, to give us all a better life-then when I was in my early teens, went back to school again, Now she is her own business. She married my step-dad(Jazzdad) after a very brief courtship, the will be celebrating their ninth wedding anniversary next week. She stood by me when I made the wrong choice to marry my ex, supported me when I left him and moved back home-helped me when hubby and I hard our sons and celbrated with me when I married him. She has helped my sister thru depression, helped me thru god knows what all, and been thru more in her 49 years that most people will experience in three lifetimes. She has dealt with abuse, poverty, death of parent, dysfunction in the axtremes, and suburbia(shudder).
Now, though, she does something that boggles the mind. Tonight, she will be taking her almost 4 yea old grandson, my boy Bigguy, to the State Theatre, to see (drumroll please) Dora The Explorer, Live!!! She will be in a theatre with hordes of young children and their harried parents just to please my son. When I told them what they would be doing today-his face was full of angelic bliss. She is undoubtedly the bravest grammie on the block. I love my mom, Bigguy loves his grammie, and he will remember tonight for years to come.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Ask Housewife

Recently, a friend with no spouse or children asked what I did with my "Me Time". I almost choked on my swiss cake roll. When you have two kids and a husband, and try your damndest to take care of them, you don't have much "me time". I get to shower, eat, read, and post here while my kids are sleepoing, eating, and playing outside(we live in Minnesota-so that playing outside thing doesn't happen as much as I like). He seemed completely baffled by the thought of not having many hours during the day to fevote to ones self. Yes, I need adult interraction, quite time, personal time and what have you-we all do, but it is hard to come by. When I do get time for myself-I try to make the most of it, I understand that if I don't take good care of myself I will not be good for my family, and I will porbably go off the deep end. I do have me time, it's what we call sleep and shower. I need to have kid time, husband time, chore time, and not killing my in-law time as well. I lead a very busy life.
Another friend asked, if I don't work, what I do with my days. You've got to be kidding me! Just because I don't have a day job does not mean that I sit on my ass and eat candy all day. I have kids. If that statement isn't enough(or if you don't have kids yourself) borrow someones kids for the weekend, when it's icky, so you cannot play outside, and you have other things, like housework and cooking, you need to get done while they are there. Then try and tell me it's not work.
My personal favortite question of late is "You must really relate to/like that show "Desperate Housewives", huh?" Let me preface this next statement by saying, I have never seen the show. It is my understanding that the women on this show lead rather extravegant lives, part of wich involves sleeping with many people who they are not in a committed relationship with, extramarital affairs. If I had a poolboy/cabanaboy/gardener I would not sleep with them I would tell them to get their asses outside andwork, my kids need to get out of the house and play, and cannot do so until their job is complete!Then I would take whatever time I might have in which to have an affair and shower, alone, for a long time. It would be more fulfilling to me too have clean hair, shaved legs, and pleasent smelling skin, than to sleep with some dude who ain't my husband.
Do I think it is degrading to other women to be a housewife? How can my being a housewife degrade other women?!?! It is a choise I was able to make. If they find it degrading-DON"T DO IT!!!
But isn't my husband controlling me? No! I have the control in the relationship, point blank. I balance the budget, plan the meals, raise the kids, do the laundry. If I don't want him to wear something to a particular place or on a particular day, it isn't clean. If I want something in particular for dinner-No Problem! I do the cooking and the shopping. If I really really want to do something and he doesn't want to participate-I do it while he is at work. If I really really need time to myself I can find someone to watch the boys for the day. I have the majority of the power.
well that's enough for now-more to come...

Monday, May 09, 2005

seriously, this dude is our elected president?

I want everyone to take a few minutes and check out this site, http://www.slate.com/id/76886/ , It is chock full of Bushisms. When you read this, take into account that he is our PRESIDENT!!! I know fifteen year old stoners with more wits about themselves. At least I can rest secure in the knowledge that we only allow two terms, so he will be out in a few years. Hopefully we will be able to repair any damage he has caused. People, I know it is only May, and only 2005 at that. We still have a long way to go till our next election, three and a half years, but please, please, please, start encouraging others to vote, to educate them selves on politics. Remind them that there are more elections that just the presidential election(serious-I knew someone who only voted the pres. election-they felt it was they "only one that matterred", I slapped them silly.) We need to make the country at least half assed good again, we need to make a better future for our children, MY children. We cannot let idiots like this decide our national policies anymore. For the love of pete! We have an imbicile for President, what I am fairly certain is a robot for vice president, a first lady with a rediculously high approval rating whose husband goes against damn near everything she wants to do....Man alive-HOW DID WE LET THIS HAPPEN!!!! Everybody, everybody, needs to get out there and vote, educate yourselves and others-know what you want, what you don't want-who can bring it to the table for you-ignore the political lables if you must. Just because they ride under the banner of whatever political party you side with doesn't mean they share your veiws. And as hard as it is-vote your concience, not what you think you need to vote to keep the "bad guy" from winning. Even if you vote for someone that doesn't stand much of a chance, you will be helping out candidates in the future. If we all vote, and idiots like Bush still get elected-fine we did what we could and what we fealt was right. But, if you don't vote-you have no right to bitch, if you don't vote, you are just as culpable as the people who voted for him. And I don't want to hear the line of "it's just one vote-it doesn't really count"! A) those just one votes add up, B) the 2000 election was ultimately determined by less than 1000 votes(if you believe that Bush didn't just steal florida outright because his bro is the Gov.) Educate your children, your friends, your barista, your self. Learn what you can. Knowledge is power.

mother's day

I just want to wish everyone happy mother's day! Yes everyone, not just females. The mom's who stay home with their kids, the mom's who work, for their kids, moms who put up for adoption and moms who adopted. Moms who do the right thing, even when it is not easy. Aunts who don't have kids, so treat their nieces/nephews like royalty. The Dad who has costody, the gay couple that adopts, the foster family. Friends that help out, grandparents, without whom our own children wouldn't be possible. Doctors, nurses, midwives, doulas, everyone who plays a hand in bringing a child into the earth. Daycare providers, you help the moms which have to work, teachers-enough said.
One day our children grow up, they do not relyon us for everything anymore, but what we tought them when they were young will stick with them the rest of their lives. From my mom, I learned acceptance of all people, hard work, and sacrifice all have their own rewards. from my aunt, I learned a little bit of attitude goes a long way, but too much attitude gets you no where fast. From my sister, I learned things only someone with an older sister could understand. My father tought me that not all dads are infalliable, My step father tought me that some dads are truely good, are there for their kids, and that there is more than biology that determines who your kids are(thank you so much jazzdad, for all you have done for me, my boys, and my mom). From my step mom, I learned that a small, closed mind and narrow worldveiw will most likely stay that way, but in somepeople(not her per se) it can change. From my mom's mom, I learned how to make anything there is to eat, from practically nothing, and that you never stop caring for your children-even when they dissapoint you, I wish she was still here to learn from.
I don't know how many people read this blog, nor do I really care, I just hope the people reading it understand the affect parents have on their childrens lives, and that it ripples down throughout the generations. My sons will never be able to meet any of my grandparents, but they will learn things that I learned at both my granma's knees, in both their kitchens, stories and songs from both.
So have a happy moothers day, EVERYONE, for it doesn't matter if you gave birth, can give birth, or will ever give birth. If it takes a village to raise a child, then you all are important and special today.

Saturday, May 07, 2005

Bewarned-rant about mother in law ahead

First-note the new links-8-bit theater is a web strip-very funny if you're into rpg's or remember 8-bit video games, then ther'e Waiterrant. I highly recomend you check him out, funny, honest, pissed off. If you've ver worked the wait side of kitchen staff, you'll appreciate him.

Now, time for something completely different-a Mother-in-law rant-haven't had a good one of these, at least not for a while. As I've stated before, she is the Queen High Mum of passive-aggressiveness, she also feels that her way is the only right way. As you all know, Hubby, myself, and coolest sister are looking to buy a house. We are thinking that we might rent for a year first, to give Hubby more time on thejob, to give coolest sister more time on her job, and to give us a better idea of what our housing needs will be. There will be three adults and two kids, not to mention pets, in one space. M.I.L. is totally against this, she feels that it would be a waste of money, time, etc. First-what business is it of hers, she won;t be living with us, nor will she be contributing financially. Second-yes, we will not be owning where we are renting, but by waiting we will be able to afford a better/bigger/more suited to us house-we will have better established credit, which will lower interest rates for us than with our current lack of sufficient/no credit. And Most importantly-we will know our new family dynamic. The boys willbe living with their aunt, Hubby and I will be living with a sister, Sister will be living with a family unit that is seperate from her, while still being a unit with her. We might not need as much space as we think to peacefully cohabitate, but maybe we will need more. By renting for a year first, we will know, and if the unlikely possibilaty faces that we cannot peacefully cohabitate-we will know before we buy, and can adjust our plans accordingly.
I just get very upset with M.I.L that she feels it is her place to tell us what we should de with our lives. I f she took half as much interest in hubby when he was younger, he prolly would be a lot better off in life. She sacrificed his education for a refferal bonus at work, she never gave him any support, and helped him to accrue rediculous amounts of personal debt from her, that we had to work hard at paying off. Yes, we live with her and the father in law-but we pay rent to live here-more than enough-I do damn near all the cleaning, and we are autonomous of them. We are not living off of them, we are living with them, and pulling more than our fair share-it is not her concern how I raise/educate/discipline my kids if they are healthy and happy. It is not her deal whether we rent or own. I think she is just pissed that if we rent with my sister, we won;t be lining here, and they will lose money and free labor.
If we were going to be renting some little whole in the wall barely fit for humans-that would be one thing-but we won't. If we were going to be so far away that she would never see us, sho might have a complaint, but we wont. If she EVER owned property of her own, rented on her own, or for that matter ever livved on her own, that would be one thing. However, she is in her mid forties and never done that. She lived with her parent untill she got with the F.I.L she lived under their roof-not really contributing, and raising her two boys untill hubbby was about11 or twelve and the bro in law was about 3 or four. She never had to deal with supporting ones children-she always had people willing to pick up the slack. She has never rented, so doesn't know that it's not all bad. And frankly she has never owned property, this house is in the F.I.L's name only, even though it was bought after they were together, and she hads lived with him the entire time. Her concept of doing what is best for her children is to strong arm them into doing what she wants, not what will be best for them-because if she thinks it right it must be, and that's that. My sister's lease will be up soon. We are probably going to have a place before than. I will be out of this house soon enough. It's only temporary...it's only temporary...it's only...

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

I hurt

PCOS-Poly-Cystic-Ovary-Syndrome(or disorder,depending on region) The most cruel and unusual punishment the female body can dish out. Irregular, and I mean highly irregular, menstrual cycles, severe cramping and heavy flow when you do cycle, headaches when you don't, it negatively affects ones fertility, when the cramping hits, some women have had to be hospitalized to deal with the pain. Then today, when speaking with a triage nurse, to try and keep me out of the E.R. for pain reasons, the subject of how lucky I am to have my boys came up. Statistically, it shouldn't have happened, but it did. Nurse then informs me of something the doctors and specialists never did, she even gave me the documentation to back it up, the symptoms and side affects of PCOS get WORSE after every child. She speculated that the birth of my first son escalated the issues enough for me to actually see a Doctor, and the birth of the second made it that much worse. The real kicker here, is that there is a slim chance that Hubby and I will ever be able to convieve again, EVER, and if we do manage to concieve again, my symptoms will be excrutiating afterwards. I am only 26, I might want more children(okay, 1 more child) someday, but not if it comes at the expense of a lifetime of pain every few months(okay, not a lifetime either) Right now I hurt physically, mentally, and emotionally. Maybe I will be able to think more clearly about this when the physical pain lessens.

Monday, May 02, 2005


Bigguy had a fear of pooping on the potty, I don't know why, but he did. Did, as in past tense, being the opperable word. He didn't make it in the potty, so mach as on the potty, but he fealt that he had to poop, ran into the bathroom and tried!! I am so happy for and proud of my bigguy right now. I never though shit would be this good. I am releaved, proud, kinda sad cause it means he's growing, glad, cause it means he's growing. I'm going to call hubby right now to tell him!! Man, I'm such a mom!