Friday, November 06, 2009

That is one damn proud momma

Ihave a friend. Ok,Ihave a lot of friends, but I have one friend in particular who referred to herself for YEARS as a big girl. Recently, she started calling herself fat. Even more recently, she started calling herself fat without wincing or cringing. Anywho-FatFriend, who laughingly and happily gave me permission to call her that here, phoned me earlier to relay the following story.
FatFriend's son, SkinnyBoy is 10. That is a hard age. Cliques start to solidify, boys and girls start really noticing each other as that is the age that "The Changes" start.
SkinnyBoy is a tall, lanky, beanpole. He takes after his dad, SkinnyMan. SkinnyBoy was playing with his best friend and 10 year old love interest at recess. The other boys started teasing, as the girl is fat.
Yeah, these 10 year old boys are already calling a 10 year old girl fat. I have feelings on this that will be a whole other post, but been there, dealt with that will suffice for now.
The following day was show and tell.
Skinny boy asked for a photo of his mom. She had SkinnyDad take one and print it out.
The teacher called shortly after show and tell.
She wanted to make sure FatFriend understood what an amazing son she had.
For show and tell, SkinnyBoy proudly displayed the picture ofhis mom. He proudly announced "This is my mom. She is the smartest person I know. She is nice, kind, an excellent mom. Sheisalsothe most beautiful person I know. Prettier than (cannot recall the actress) She is fat. She is prettier because of that."

happy tear

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

I am a bad, bad, not fat enough fattie!

Boggles the mind, doesn't it?

So here's the run down.
I am fat.
I just recently hit the under 200 pounds mark. After the birth of Loki is was roughly 270.
I only accepted my fatness recently. This is not to say that I did not know I was fat, as that's obvious to me, but that I have only recently become comfy with it.
I have been part of the FA and HEAS movements for a while, but honestly, it was only about half a year ago, give or take, that I decided that it was OK for me to be fat, too.

Funny, this, after trying to loos weight for a really long time, I have dropped about 20 pounds in the last six months.

BUT- and I want to say this, I am not losing weight based on any social pressure, I have been trying, for the last year, to reduce my risk for diabetes, as I am borderline prediabetic, to make me knees hurt less, and to help with the wonky blood sugar issues that come from being borderline prediabetic with a high metabolism all of a sudden, and really low bloodpressure.

I was in class on monday, drinking a diet soda, as I have a non diet soda maybe once on a month, and then it's a high end designer soda that is made in small batched in a tiny town in wisconsin. Seriously.
So, I am drinking diet soda, doing accounting examples, munching on chips, and talking to Nanny, a woman in my class, about what FA and HEAS and feminist blogs I like to read, and she likes to read.
Another girl in my class interupted this conversation to announce that I was a bad fattie. At first I thought maybe my chip eating bothered her, as food, to some people, is a moral thing.
I am a bad fattie because I am actively trying to lose weight.


Heres the thing, the weight I want to get down to, still makes me technically fat.
2 the weight I am losing is for medical reasons, and not like before the hysterectomy, Oh, if you lose weight it will get better, even though the issue has nothing to do with weight, medical reasons, honest to Maude medical reasons.
I exersice because I like the feeling of moving my body. More specifically, I walk, as I like the way my brain is when I walk, I dance, as I love to dance, and I meditate and do psuedo yoga, to help my anxiety. I am not exersicing to meet an impossible ideal.
Nanny and I are both in the size 14/26 range now, wich kind of makes us inbetweenies in fatland. The girl who interrupted is a size 6. I bring this up, only as I was chastised by a skinny girl for being a bad fattie for getting thinner.

The mind, it whirls.

Add to this conversation, Nanny and I were met with her response, after noticing our slack jawed wonder at what she had said, that the girl would not have said anything about it, but her boyfriend's brother's girlfriend's sister is fat, and part of the FA movement, and she hates being told she needs to lose weight.

She essentially told us that she has no problems with fatties, as a friend of a firend is fat, but that I am doing it wrong.

I really think that next monday, I may just sit down in class and eat a big cookie and a chocolate shake with extra whipped cream while taking me test just to see if she says anything, but I won't.