Friday, June 17, 2005


I had a dream last night about my blog, maybe it was my subconcious telling me I needed to post more, or at least finish the posts I've started. Back to the dream in a minute. I haven't posted anything since we got the townhome, because as happy as I have been, all the posts I've started have been damn depressing. The nice thing about my blog is that it is mine. I can say anything I want here, and it's cool, I can say things that I normally wouldn't have the guts to say to family, and the get the idea, because some of my family reads this. I can just open up and let things flow. Sometimes, however, a writer doesn't always control what is flowing on any given day, and lately my mind has been very occupied with my dad. I tried very hard for many years to convince myself that Defunct-Dad couldn't possibly be as bad as all that, that it had to be Evil-Step-Mom's fault. I have finally come to terms with the fact that my dad is a human, and given to free will. He willfully dropped out of my life when I was 16, taking a moment every few years to pop back in and make me confused untill my first son was born. All of a sudden, there were grandchildren! We have to make things work for the kids! You know what-fuck that!!! 16 is still a kid, I was a kid when he ran away with the navy after the divorce, I was a kid when I needed him and he wasn't there, I was a kid when he started letting Evil-Step-Mom have a decission in my time with him, and it has impacted more of my life than I ever realized. Lately it's just all boiled to the surface, and if I don't get it out somewhere, I will temporarily cease to function, but at the same time, I do not need to dump it all on you, my readers. I have gotten most of it out, and th last few bits, I have saved for him, because it is not right that he go through life not realizing how his actions affect his only biological daughter.

Now back to the "Blog Dream"
I dreamt that I woke up, and went to make a post. Before I posted, I want and looked back through the previous posts, and found that I had a HUGE underground cult-like following that sprang up between 7pm and midnight. All of a sudden I had somewhere near 75 comments to every post, and people e-mailing me left and right, and it was scary overwhelming. The odd part, was that the people leaving comments were all leaving good, nice things-no snarking, no being an asshat, just good helpful encouraging things.
When I actually woke up-i realized it was a dream, and reumed my normal housewife life-but it was pretty neat.

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