Monday, April 28, 2008

Breath in, hold, now breath out...doesn't that feel better?

First, to my blogroll groups, both fiction and non-sorry that I totally flaked on the last assignments, sometimes life just cannot help but get in the way, and blogging was scary, 'cause I didn't know what would actually come out my fingers.
The older that Buddha gets, the more I realize how far behind Thor is. THen, there are days like yesterday, where everything in the world is wrong with Thor, and I don't know what it is, and I don't know how to make it better for him, because I don't know how he sees the world, and it just kills me inside that I cannot make him feel better. NOte, I did not say make him better, As long as he is healthy, I see nothing wrong with how his world is, as frustrating as it can be, I just wish I knew how he felt things, saw things, heard things, so I could help. He also has started having major abandonment issues whenever he sees anyone leave...anyone, could bethe UPS guy, for all he seems to care.
Buddha is starting to hide how well he talks, how well he does things, etc...I know it's normal behaviour, but it's frustrating.
Hermes is acting out in school some, ebcause he is bored off his ass, and we just cannot keep up with him.
Hubby is alternating between being really helpful, and not being really helpful, which is driving me nuts, I just want some consistancy.
I have no clue how long I'll be able to keep my uterus.
I have no clue what the heck is happening in my head sometimes, but Oh, therapists cost money, something I just don't have enough of at the moment.

I start working the second week in may. I start getting a check the first week in june. That will skew the budget enugh where, if I can just find the time, I can start doing the therapy thing. In the fall Hermes will get in for the G&T testing, so we can have an advocate to help make sure he is getting enough education wise. In the fall, Thor should be starting a preschool program, whichwill help, and I can maybe finally have some one on one time with Hermes so I know my own kid better.

Sorry for the rant, I am fine, really, I just needed to blow some steam.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Non-fiction blogroll assignment

When I become Queen of the World!!

This is actually something that I have given serious thought to, so is not all whimsey. Oddly, for those who don't know him, logically, for those who do, I took a lot of inspiration from Hermes.

First rule of order- Anyone can marry anyone else they want to, with the exception of close blood relations. If two boys want to get married, great, two girls, fabulous, a bay and a girl, great! Also, if any number of people decided that they love one another, want to honor one another, and do right by one another, they should be allowed to.

People will be able to wear whatever is comfortable, gender aside. If a boy wants to wear skirts nad dresses, no problem. If someone wants to wear ball gowns, so long as it doesn't impact their ability to do what they have to do, have at it!

Food will not be eaten according to any rigid schedule. To directly quote Hermes "If it's food, and you east it for breakfast, it IS breakfast food!"

Gas prices-there i no reason whatseover that gas should be as expensive as it is. In the small timeframe between my being made Queen of the World, and alternative fuel sources being made common place, gas will be affordable.

Stay at home moms will earn full social security benefits, based on what their pay would be for their individual daily tasks, cleaning, nanny, teacher, bookkeeper, etc...

Monday, April 07, 2008

"Well, that's the size of a large baby!"

I checked my e-mail and saw that my text books and necesarry suplies for next term have been shipped! Yay. I check the tracking info, and it weighs 9 pounds!! 9 pounds of text! I comment to a friend that I have 9 pounds of class stuff being shipped to me, and I wonder what it is? She asks what my next term classes are. I explain that they are Software Applications for the HealthCare Professional, and the other is Anotomy and Physiology. Her reply was "Well, that is the size of a large baby! Do you think they are sending you a large baby for A&P?"

head meet palm.

Saturday, April 05, 2008

blogroll fiction #1

I can hear that car driving up and down the street again. Thumpa-thumpa-thumpa...god, I wish they could turn their friggen base down. I used to be excited when I heard the car, I thought it would be Dominic, coming home. He always listened to his bass like that, although he would thud clasical and swing music, not rap.
I hadn't seen Dominic in years, I don't even know why I still thought of our place as 'our' place, or even 'his'. Old habits die hard, I guess.
Since I am awake, I decide that OJ sounds good. On my way to the fridge I glance out the window. The thumpa-bass car isn't the one that normally bothers me, this one is blue, not red. I don't think I had seen the blue car before, but then, I am notmally not rooting around for orange juice at two in the mornnig anyways.
As I get into the kitchen, I notice the clock on the microwave isn't telling the time, it is flashing 'end' over and over again. I could have sworn that I hit the clear button after making dinner, but I guess not.
After drinking my juice right out of the carton, I decide that it's probably time to go back to bed, hopefully the bass car won't keep me awake. Where is the bass? I can't hear it anymore, must have driven off. I look back out the window, and the blue car is still there, parked, empty, someone is getting a 2am visitor.
As I make it back into the bedroom, there is a knock, on the door...Dominic!

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

In all seriousness

Normally, if I post about Hubby here, it is a rant, or a simple post about his awesomeness, generally followed by a rant.

I realized something today, while doing some research for a project paper for school about Fat. (Yes, I am writing a brief med terminology paper about being fat). Hubby started dating me when I was roughly 160 pounds. Right about where I should be, according to the BMI, and a little less than I should be according to any reasonably sane, sighted person. Hubby has been with me when I wieghed more than 100 pounds over that (My highest recorded weight ever was during my last pregnancy, when I hit 270, roughly). He has supported me in my efforts to lose weight for my health, he has supported me when those efforts don't always work, almost always because I really, really like food, and frankly, I dislike most excersize. I am blessed to have a husband who seems o find me more attractive when I am heavy. He loves my curves, and makes no bones about it.

He supports me in school, in work, in being a stay at home mom. He is totally holding up his end of the implied sickness and health contract.

He may not be the greatest at cleaning, socializing with other people, or being as articulate as he can be. He is coarse, gruff, cantankerous, and has an off sense of humor. He is fiercely protective of me and the boys, so much so that some people assume he is controlling, when he isn't.

He is also an amazing father, a wonderful husband, and a good person. He is a nice guy, and I am admn lucky to have him.

April Fools blog

So, I had a choice today to right an april fool's post, a post aout my phobias, or a post about the worst hotel I have ever stayed at.

After deciding that I did not want to do an april fools post, and after deciding that I really did not want to relive the worst hotel, I am posting about phobias.

Clowns...don't like them. It was made worse by reading It in the bathtub as a teenager. It was made even worse when, 8 years ago, I am working in Downtown, during the time the circus was in town. While having a smoke on my lunch hour, a fully made up clown asked to bum one, then honked his nose at me. I am convinced they smell fear.

Things with too many legs. Can't really explain it.

Getting caught in a small, bendy, space, with occasional stepped opening that I could plummet to my death through. I know that this combines multiple phobias, but I have a recurring bad dream where, for some reason, I have to fit through a barely big enough space, that has a lot of acute turns in it, making it smaller, and then will have a 5 foot gap I have to cross, or I will plummet.

Being not right. I have always feared that there is something wrong with me. I don't mean that I have a feeling something isn't right, or even that I think something isn't right. Every now and then I will just be hit by a sudden fear that something is wrong. Maybe that something is mental, maybe physical, maybe both or neither. The feeling almost always goes away as quickly as it comes on.

Not having friends. This isn't a phobia, more of an irrational fear. I know I have friends, I cannot imagine life without them, sometimes, though, I think they are gone. They are not, it is just me.

Twilight places. Twilighty places scare the heck out of me, I don't know why.