Thursday, October 27, 2005

Penis and vaginas

It is quiet so far this morning. Baby Bear is in a restful slumber, dreaming of pleasant baby things. Littleman is practicing his jumping skills and gleefully babbleing to himself in a language that almost sounds like american english, if only he would open his mouth, and us constanants other than n, g, m, and d. Bigguy is sleeping. Normally we would wake him up by now, but he has had a very big last few days.
After much confusion on his part about anatomy, on monday, he and I sat down and discussed the simple fact that boys have a penis, and girls have a vagina. If you ask any doctor, teacher, or child behaviorist or psychologist, they will all inform you that it is very age appropriate for four year old chidren to know the proper names for parts of the anatomy, and since I am pregnant, it makes things less confusing for him...supossedly. This started when he asked if the baby would come out of my butt.
"No, Bigguy, the baby will not come out mommy's butt."
"Then where? you said not your belly button and not your butt, will the baby come out your penis?"
"No, Mommy doesn't have a penis, she has a vagina. Boys, like you and poppa and Littleman and your grandpas all have a penis, and girls, like momma and Auntie and your grandmas all have a vagina."
"Well, if you don't have a penis, how do you pee?"
I tried my best to explain how a vagina was like a penis, in that it was what girls used to pee, but it backfired. Later that night, while helping his poppa with the laundry, I get called downstairs to find Bugguy laughing insanely, and Hubby giggling, but perplexed.
"What have you been teaching him!"
"What you do mean"
"He just told me that vagina was a girls name!"
"Bigguy, what did you tell Poppa?"
Bigguy turns slightly red, not from embarresment, but from trying not to laugh, he screws up his features into his little frowny-I-am-trying-to-think-and-speak-face, and looking me square in they eyes, screams...
"VAGINA!!!!" and then falls over laughing.

We eventually get worked out that he was trying to tell Hubby that "vagina is the girls name for a girls penis" so obviously, we need a little more work.
My biggest concern about all this, however, is that he is not shy. He likes to exclaim many wonderful things about his penis, and for the longest time, would ask any random passerby in public if they, too, had a penis. Apparently, a penis is a wonderful thing to have, and if you don't possess one, you are missing out. I do not need him asking every woman he sees at the grocery store if they have a vagina. Granted, I would rather have him saying penis and vagina, as opposed to peepee and hoohoo( I kid you not, I have heard people teach these to their children), I would just rather it not be used quite so liberally.
Well, we managed to teach him that holiday dinners are not the time nor place to say "Goddamnit" and "Fuck". We managed to convine him that it really is important to keep your clothes on in restaraunts, and, well, in general while you are awake. Maybe, with time, we can teach him that not everyone likes being asked if they posess a penis or a vagina, and not everyone in the public bathroom likes to here how big his penis is.
He is very proud of his penis.
No self esteem issues there.
No sirree bob!

1 comment:

missbhavens said...

Actually, most men I know really would like as many people as possible noting how big their penis is in a public bathroom. From anybody! Even a small child!