Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Help! The Aleins That Have Invaded My Life Are Demanding To Be Fed!!!

Things we really need to tell woman about pregnancy and motherhood, but rarely do, part 1.

My auntie is fond of saying about children, "That's right, you have to feed them, don't you."
This is probably the fist thing we need to make more women clear on. All people understand that you need to feed a baby and children, that's just the way it is. Not all women understand before the fact just how often babies eat. Newborns can eat as often as every two hours. Two hours is timed, by the way, from the beginning of the feeding. If it takes your baby 30 minutes to eat, you are looking at up to SIX hours of baby feeding a day. You will have 1 hour and 30 minutes in between feedings to change daipers, get dressed, make dinners, clean houses, and, maybe, if you are really, really lucky, you might get to shower.

Yes, babies will eventually go longer without being fed, and they will even sleep for a couple hours at a stretch, but then you have to feed YOURSELF! If you breastfeed, your babies dietary needs are being met solely off of how well you eat, your milk supply is based off of how much and often your baby eats, how much water you drink, and how well you eat. You CANNOT eat healthy enough, it doesn't matter what the doctors and lactational cunsultants will tell you. EAT FAT-you need it, EAT FRUIT-it has water.

As your baby grows, it will undergrow occassional "growth spurts", short periods of time in which your child will rapidly grow, somehow, even if it is just their feet. Growth spurts are another name for "Your Baby Is Going To Eat More Than You Thought Was Humanly Possible For A Child It's Size, spurts", the older they are, the more they will eat, and the more you will have to spend on clothes to keep them from being naked(unless you kid is like Bigguy, then you will spend it all on shoes, he grows feet first) Grouth spurt, they happen straight through to adulthood by the way. In fact, the coincidentally stop right about the time that you can make them pay their own way...hmmmm....

I have found that very little will rival the hunger of the Four Year Old Boy. I have witnissed teenagers, active in sports teenagers, watch him eat when he gets the mood to, and wonder where he puts it. There will be days where he really doesn't eat that much, I think my 1 year old boy pro'lly eats more. Then comes the "Momma I'n HUNGRY!!!" whine. This means that he will eat, darn near a full meal, every ninety minutes, while he is awake. Sometimes, I think he sneaks into the fridge, when everyone, including himself, are asleep, and even eats then.

Now, for the Pregnant mommy or mommy-to-be! I haven't forgotten you. This is the point where you first become aware of the alien presense. Extra-terrestrial lifeforms are the only reason you could be eating this much, and craving such odd combinations of food. The doctors will try to tell you that it is your bodies way of getting what it needs, nutritionally, but I don't by it. Donuts(chocolate glazed), cheesy eggs, and orange juice may be a decent breakfast, and may have protiens, calsium, carbs, and fats that you needd when pregnant. I do not argue that. What I argue is that any earthling woman will vuluntarily eat the cheesy eggs like a sandwich with the chocolate donut, and wash it all down with the O.J. Yet we do. The cheesay T.V and movie stereotype of pickles and icecream have to come from somewhere. From Personal experience-Pinnaples and dill pickle potato chips should not be eaten AT THE SAME TIME, yet I did, and I enjoyed every minute of it. Aliens, I tell ya, aliens.

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