Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Oh. My. God.

This will be an open letter in two parts-
First to the People Of Minnesota
Dear POMN,
It snowed! It snowed last week, last year, and pretty much every year since there's been a minnesota! Why is it that y'all seem to forget, evry yeear, that this white fluffy stuff, that is cold, and often slipperry, falls from the sky and clogs the roads. Why do you forget, every year, that people will be idiots, including you, by driving at vastly different speeds and swerving all around in bad conditions. PEOPLE! GET A GRIP!! It's just SNOW, it comes, it goes, sometimes it does both in the same day, sometime it sticks around for a while, but it happens every year. Oh, and if I can brush the snow off the top of my minivan, while PREGNANT, you can sure as hell brish the snow off the roof of your ford festiva or whatever the fuck your little tuiny car right in front of me is, that is blowing all the accumilated snow and ice from it's roof into my window any time we go faster than say...twenty miles an hour. Thank You.

Part two, to the Drunken Girl I Used to Go to High School With
Dear Chick-
I am really, really, glad that you finally got help for your drinking problem, I know that it couldn't have been easy. I am sorry, that in your teens, you felt the urge to drink yourself into a stupor and do stupid things. I also understand that one of the twelve steps is seeking forgiveness. However, I do not think that the powers that be at AA wanted you, if by chance you were to run into someone from highschool, say ME, at the grocery store, right before a holiday, to fess up to having slept with my boyfreind from almost 11 years ago. Really honey, it was an awkward situation, and I could care less, it's over and done, and I haven't seen him in YEARS. Did you give anythought to if I really needed to know this, or did you just decide, "Oh, Theres HW2K, I should dredge up really bad, potentially painful, and deffinately awkward things from our past, in the MIDDLE OF THE PRODUCE DEPT?""" This struck you as a good idea?! To be perfectly blunt, I knew he slept with you, and pretty much every other woman in the school, I was young and stupid, and insecure. You were popular, drunk and easy. We were both easy marks. Get over it, and please, don't corner anyone else in the store.

Oh, and for anyone wondering-Littleman is doing fairly much better, Bigguy is whiny, and Hubby is home sick today, and I am praying it's not a kidney stone.

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