Wednesday, November 24, 2004

dismay

Sunday was the 50th birthday bash for the coolest step-dad in the whole world-herein referred to as Jazzcat. My mom called about 9 times over the course of two days and duuring the party to get Hubby and me to go. Kids welcome. Wanted to go soooo bad. But...Bigguy was dealing with allergies and a cold and Littleman was dealing with colic and a cold, so we didn't go. I feel like a heel. Jazzcat's been there for me whenever I've needed him for the last 9 years. He's been more of a Dad to me than my father ever is, and i feel like I let him down by not being there to celebrate-that somehow what should've been a perfect evening was marred by my not being there. Sometimes I wonder if I should be able to balance everything-or if it's normal to fall apart after two kids. I think I'm starting to figure out where all the pieces go now.

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