Turkey Trauma

Ok, Thanksgiving probably wasn't traumatic-but it will be remembered always. Our guest showed up 2 hrs early, we had way more food than people-the dog bit someone-and the mother-in-law to be got a migraine. The plus side? Bigguy kept his pants on the entire meal!!! Now we eat the leftovers. At my family's 2nd annual sunday after thanksgiving meal, I felt tired and slightly invisible-but the kids had a blast. Mom got to spend time with both boys-Bigguy played some of the most entertaining video games ever, and a good time was had by all. It's wierd to see how group interrection between myy self and my siblings have changed now that I have 2 kids, but it's to be expected. My world revolves around potty training, diapers, teething, clothing sizes, reading childrens books and other kid stuff. The siblings can see movies, go clubbing, go shopping without having to worry about whats prominently displayed in the toy aisle, and just as long as their bills are paid, worry about themselves.
I was thinking back to my child-free days, and my rare single days and I realized as frustrating as it is to be a mom-I wouldn't go back for anything. I appreciate my Mom much more now than I ever did before-I have the hubby-sha did most of this alone, I can stay home with my boys-she had to work to support us girls and still find time to be there for us, I have pretty muchmore people to go to with my prblems than I'll ever need-she only had a few. Now I understand why she seemed so tired(she was), so frustrated(she was), and why she was so happy to get away for a little while. It wasn't that she didn't love us, want to spend time with us, and all the other things you think when you are a little kid. It was because she loved, cared, and wanted to be a good mom that she had time to herself-you can't raise kids when your on your wits end. I love my mom more now than when I was 13. I understand her more now. I need her more now. I am THANKFUL for her now. as an aside-my dad still sucks.

dismay

Sunday was the 50th birthday bash for the coolest step-dad in the whole world-herein referred to as Jazzcat. My mom called about 9 times over the course of two days and duuring the party to get Hubby and me to go. Kids welcome. Wanted to go soooo bad. But...Bigguy was dealing with allergies and a cold and Littleman was dealing with colic and a cold, so we didn't go. I feel like a heel. Jazzcat's been there for me whenever I've needed him for the last 9 years. He's been more of a Dad to me than my father ever is, and i feel like I let him down by not being there to celebrate-that somehow what should've been a perfect evening was marred by my not being there. Sometimes I wonder if I should be able to balance everything-or if it's normal to fall apart after two kids. I think I'm starting to figure out where all the pieces go now.

Upgrade??

Sometimes, I wonder if I missed the upgrade for Housewife 3000. Littleman had a really colicky night last night, and Bigguy was up at about 3 am and is still going strong. I know that it is normal to be tired and frustrated right now. I am upset with myself, tho, I need to be supermom, get the laundry done-take care of my kids-make sure Hubby gets enough sleep for work-pray that the kids aren't waking the Hubby's parents, who we livve with till we get our own place again-manage daytime meals-help with evening and weekend meals-breastfeed-keep kids clean-keep Bigguy behaved-do random things around the house-AND look presentable while doing it. Ever try to shower with a 3 yr old knocking on the door and an infant crying??
I know my expectations of myself are unreasonable. I have friends, family and pediatricians all telling me I am doing a fabulous job, and every time I hear it I feel better until I wonder if they're just saying it to appease me and keep me from crying/screaming/becoming an histerical gibbering mess.
Man! My spelling and grammar suck now, too!!!!

If I can't be super woman, can I get 2 more hours in the day?

stuff, stuff, and more stuff

Being this is new, some stuff about me. When I was 20 I got married. I was divorced at 21. Yeah, people shouldn't get married that young, it's not healthy, you think you know what you want, you're probably wrong. I should've listened to my sister, the Spacewaitress. She said if I was sure it was what I wanted, wait 5 years-then do it. I figured we'd still be together so what difference does 5 years make. Heh! Not listening to my sister has gotten me into more trouble than listening has evrer done.
More stuff- I have now been in a commited relationship for over 4 yrs-we'll get legally married soon enough, but everyone we know has told us we're already married-the gov't just hasn't realized it yet. I have 2 boys-Bigguy is 3 and dangerously smart. He gets his way more often than not because he has a better arguement than I do. Littleman is a month old and colicky- that sucks-otherwise he is perfect in ways that only small children have and adults envy.
Even more stuff-I have a very large not always functional but i love them anyways family.

Oh, and in case you're wondering-yes I am a stay at home mom, and plan on being such for as long as possible.

Neato!

Ok, Housewife2000 has a blog! I feel somehow...modern.