Wednesday, November 04, 2009

I am a bad, bad, not fat enough fattie!

Boggles the mind, doesn't it?

So here's the run down.
I am fat.
I just recently hit the under 200 pounds mark. After the birth of Loki is was roughly 270.
I only accepted my fatness recently. This is not to say that I did not know I was fat, as that's obvious to me, but that I have only recently become comfy with it.
I have been part of the FA and HEAS movements for a while, but honestly, it was only about half a year ago, give or take, that I decided that it was OK for me to be fat, too.

Funny, this, after trying to loos weight for a really long time, I have dropped about 20 pounds in the last six months.

BUT- and I want to say this, I am not losing weight based on any social pressure, I have been trying, for the last year, to reduce my risk for diabetes, as I am borderline prediabetic, to make me knees hurt less, and to help with the wonky blood sugar issues that come from being borderline prediabetic with a high metabolism all of a sudden, and really low bloodpressure.

I was in class on monday, drinking a diet soda, as I have a non diet soda maybe once on a month, and then it's a high end designer soda that is made in small batched in a tiny town in wisconsin. Seriously.
So, I am drinking diet soda, doing accounting examples, munching on chips, and talking to Nanny, a woman in my class, about what FA and HEAS and feminist blogs I like to read, and she likes to read.
Another girl in my class interupted this conversation to announce that I was a bad fattie. At first I thought maybe my chip eating bothered her, as food, to some people, is a moral thing.
I am a bad fattie because I am actively trying to lose weight.


Heres the thing, the weight I want to get down to, still makes me technically fat.
2 the weight I am losing is for medical reasons, and not like before the hysterectomy, Oh, if you lose weight it will get better, even though the issue has nothing to do with weight, medical reasons, honest to Maude medical reasons.
I exersice because I like the feeling of moving my body. More specifically, I walk, as I like the way my brain is when I walk, I dance, as I love to dance, and I meditate and do psuedo yoga, to help my anxiety. I am not exersicing to meet an impossible ideal.
Nanny and I are both in the size 14/26 range now, wich kind of makes us inbetweenies in fatland. The girl who interrupted is a size 6. I bring this up, only as I was chastised by a skinny girl for being a bad fattie for getting thinner.

The mind, it whirls.

Add to this conversation, Nanny and I were met with her response, after noticing our slack jawed wonder at what she had said, that the girl would not have said anything about it, but her boyfriend's brother's girlfriend's sister is fat, and part of the FA movement, and she hates being told she needs to lose weight.

She essentially told us that she has no problems with fatties, as a friend of a firend is fat, but that I am doing it wrong.

I really think that next monday, I may just sit down in class and eat a big cookie and a chocolate shake with extra whipped cream while taking me test just to see if she says anything, but I won't.

1 comment:

Mom the hipple said...

People are rude. Also, they are stupid. The combination can be deadly.