Breath in, hold, now breath out...doesn't that feel better?

First, to my blogroll groups, both fiction and non-sorry that I totally flaked on the last assignments, sometimes life just cannot help but get in the way, and blogging was scary, 'cause I didn't know what would actually come out my fingers.
The older that Buddha gets, the more I realize how far behind Thor is. THen, there are days like yesterday, where everything in the world is wrong with Thor, and I don't know what it is, and I don't know how to make it better for him, because I don't know how he sees the world, and it just kills me inside that I cannot make him feel better. NOte, I did not say make him better, As long as he is healthy, I see nothing wrong with how his world is, as frustrating as it can be, I just wish I knew how he felt things, saw things, heard things, so I could help. He also has started having major abandonment issues whenever he sees anyone leave...anyone, could bethe UPS guy, for all he seems to care.
Buddha is starting to hide how well he talks, how well he does things, etc...I know it's normal behaviour, but it's frustrating.
Hermes is acting out in school some, ebcause he is bored off his ass, and we just cannot keep up with him.
Hubby is alternating between being really helpful, and not being really helpful, which is driving me nuts, I just want some consistancy.
I have no clue how long I'll be able to keep my uterus.
I have no clue what the heck is happening in my head sometimes, but Oh, therapists cost money, something I just don't have enough of at the moment.

I start working the second week in may. I start getting a check the first week in june. That will skew the budget enugh where, if I can just find the time, I can start doing the therapy thing. In the fall Hermes will get in for the G&T testing, so we can have an advocate to help make sure he is getting enough education wise. In the fall, Thor should be starting a preschool program, whichwill help, and I can maybe finally have some one on one time with Hermes so I know my own kid better.

Sorry for the rant, I am fine, really, I just needed to blow some steam.